I'll heal the hole in your heart - Phan
by awesomesockesONESHOTS
Summary: PHAN CHAPTERED! Contains: Friendship, relationship development, fluff, angst, chronic illness. Dan suffers from a really bad heart condition and is all alone because he's not allowed to run with the other kids. Until Phil comes along as the new kid. He stays with Dan and they become really close friends. Phil helps Dan through the illness and life. danisnotonfire, AmazingPhil, Phan
1. Chapter 1

(This story has been compared to TFIOS twice. Just saying.)

**Summary about the story:** Dan suffers from a really, really bad heart condition. Phil came in as the new kid when they both were 11 years old and has now made it his personal mission to take care of Dan the only way he can by being his best friend.  
You're going to read about them growing up together and different episodes happening in their lifes. Phil does his best to help Dan through the illness and life the best way possible.

Eventually friendship isn't enough. What is next?

**Prompt:** "_Could you do a fic where Dan and Phil are kids in primary school and Dan has a bad heart condition so he's not allowed to go outside at break and lunch because he's not allowed to run around and this means he doesn't have any friends really because they think he's a bit weird. Then Phil comes in as the new kid and stays in with Dan and talks to him and they become really close? Then maybe do more parts about them growing up and Phil always being there and staying with Dan when he can't do something."_

Someone asked for this^^ Of course. Here we go!

**A/N:** I have really big plans for this so please stay.  
(no matter now bad it gets, no one is going to die! Don't worry.)

**Contains: **School AU, Friendship, fluff+, angst, chronic illness.

**Warnings: **Angst/sadness, hospitals.

**Phan status: **Relationship development.

**POV: **Point of view change throughout the story.

* * *

******I'll heal the hole in your heart **chapter 1

**Summary about chapter 1:** (They're 11 years old) Dan suffers from a really bad heart disease and is all alone because he's not allowed to run with the other kids. Until Phil comes along as the new kid. He stays with Dan and they become really close friends.

**Words: **5.506

* * *

**PHIL'S POV!**

"Are you exited?"

"Kind of. I'm really nervous." I rubbed my hands together and looked around at my surroundings. It was a whole new school, a whole new house, and a whole new city. The school was nice though. Not as posh as I was use too, but I didn't mind.

Me and my new teacher, Mr. Jackson, walked down the hall. I had to meet my new classmates now. I had looked forward to it, but it was also really frightening. What would they think about me? Would they find me weird? It was important to make a good first impression.

"It's just down here." Mr. Jackson smiled to me. I nodded nervously and focused straight ahead.

"Sit down kids!" He yelled in a friendly voice to the room. It took them a minute to understand that I was with the teacher. When they saw me they quickly sat down and kept quiet. New kids were always interesting. My heartbeat rose a bit—now all the attention was focused at me. All those eyes, just staring. I tried to smile while I moved my gaze around the crowd. It was just like in my old class. The same types of people, the same types of haircuts, the same type of clothing. Just in a new place.

My eyes fell on a brown-haired boy in the back of the room. He didn't look up like everyone else—he just kept his eyes fixed on the desk beneath. I couldn't quite tell if his clothes were too big or he was just really thin. Was he sad? Or did he just didn't care?

"This is Philip Lester." Mr. Jackson pointed at me and I waved to my future classmates. "And he is the new student we've been talking about. Would you like to tell something about yourself?"

I nodded in his direction before I started. "My name is Phil. My dad got a new job here so we just moved from Manchester." I smiled politely. They all mumbled a hello in response.

The brown-haired boy still didn't look up.

"You can sit down. Beside—" He glared at the class. "Daniel." The name made the brown-haired boy slowly move his gaze from the table and towards me. _Daniel._

"Okay. Thank you." I grabbed my bag and started walking to the back of the room. The closer I stepped the better I could look at him. Daniel was a really thin boy. His skin was pale and he had dark circles around his eyes. He smiled quickly and then looked back down.

I sat down beside him and stretched my hand towards him. "Phil," I told him, asking for a handshake.

"Dan," was all he answered, not looking at me. I pulled my hand back. Maybe he didn't like me. My smile faded away and I turned my attention to Mr. Jackson.

Even though it was a new school the classes hadn't gotten more interesting. Still the same boring stuff.

Luckily the bell saved me.

"Read chapter five for tomorrow!" Mr. Jackson quickly yelled before everyone left.

"Hey, Phil?" The guy in front of me turned around in his chair. "Hey, I'm Simon. Can you play football?" he asked.

"Eeh, I guess, yeah," I responded as I removed my book from my desk. I wasn't _good_ really, but if I could make some friends by playing football, it was worth a try.

"Great. Come on!" Simon ran towards the door along with some of the other boys. I quickly followed. Before I left the room, I gave Dan a quick look. He hadn't moved from his position at all. Why didn't he go with us?

"Phil! Come on."

"Yeah, coming!" I turned around and ran after Simon. We walked outside and past the room we had just been in. Dan was still there, not even bothering to move his book away.

"Why is he not with us?" I asked and pointed inside.

"What? Dan?" Simon grinned, surprised. "He has some sort of heart disease or something, I don't know. He's a bit weird—just stays inside all day."

"Maybe we should ask him if he wants to watch?"

"Good luck mate. He's not allowed outside. Now, come on or we're going to miss the break." They started walking again, but I slowed down. I felt so bad for him.

"I need to use the toilet," I said. "Sorry. I'll meet you there," I assured them as I slowly turned around.

"Whatever." They started running.

I walked back inside. I didn't have to use the bathroom at all. Dan just seemed so depressed—maybe I could help.

He didn't look up when I walked back in.

"Hello," I said as I stepped closer. "Do you want to come with us and play football?" I asked hopefully.

"No thanks," he answered in a small voice, looking up.

"Why? The weather is good." I pointed outside. He sun was shining through the windows.

"I can't," he whispered before moving his gaze back to the desk.

"Why?" I walked closer. Simon told me about a heart condition, but he could be lying or uninformed.

"I have a weak heart..." he mumbled.

"Oh." I knew heart disease was serious, but I didn't know anything else about it. "But can't you go outside anyway?"

He looked up with slight anger in his eyes. "I could, but what should I do? The others don't want to hang out with me anyway!" His face turned back to sad. "I'm a freak."

"No you're not." I sat back down on my chair beside him. "A disease doesn't make you a freak. It's just a mistake in your body." I did my best to cheer him up, but I had never been in a situation like this.

"The others tell me I'm a freak," he whispered.

"Well, I think you're nice." I always wanted to be friends with everyone I meet. I didn't like auguring or fights. No one deserved to feel bad or be left alone, disease or not.

"Thank you." He finally looked at me properly. I don't think anyone had ever told him that. I smiled widely to him. He slowly looked me over and I did the same with him. His eyes were as brown as his hair—the white in them was slightly red, like he hadn't slept in weeks. His skin was even paler now that I got a closer look. Finally I found someone who could match my skin colour.

"Can you tell me about your disease?" I asked nervously. "If you want of course." I had to admit, I was a little curious. From what I could see it seemed really bad. But I had never seen a sick kid my age before.

"I have a hole in my heart," he started. "Which has caused heart failure. They can't close the hole. Maybe one day they can—I don't know yet, I'm still young. But maybe I would need a new heart." He mumbled the last words, making it nearly impossible to understand. "That's why I can't go outside. I'm not allowed to run or anything…" I had never seen a boy this sad. Something happened inside me and I immediately felt protective towards him. He obviously had no friends—I could be his friend.

"But do you want to go with me outside?" I asked quietly. "We can just sit still on a bench. Not running."

"I would love to." He smiled. I watched him as he unsteadily got up from his chair. He was nearly as tall as me, but even thinner looking when he stood.

"Should I help you?" I asked, confused. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to…"

"It's fine." He walked through the room. "I just walk really slow so my heart can follow, but everything else is fine."

"Okay. Okay, just tell me if you need something."

"Relax." He smiled. I followed him outside. It looked like he thought carefully about every single step he took: like it hurt him each time he placed his foot down.

"I'm just not use to… Yeah, I care too much, I'm sorry." I looked down. He was probably sick of my questions.

"No one has actually cared before," he mumbled. "I-I like it. But don't worry." Our eyes met. Had I made a friend on my first day? But more important, Dan had made a friend. Why would people ignore him just because of a heart disease? That was rude. He was really nice and friendly.

"Where are you taking me?" he asked nervously. I didn't answer—just walked in the direction Simon and the other boys had gone. I hoped that we would end in the same place.

Some of the other children were looking at us, whispering things. Dan noticed and focused his gaze on his feet.

This made me angry so I slowed down a little and got right beside Dan, pressing my shoulder against his and matching his pace. I was letting everyone know I was with him.

"You don't have to walk so close to me," he said in a really sad tone.

"But I want to," I answered, determined.

We walked in silence down to the track were the other boys where playing football. I led Dan to the nearest bench and we started watching them play.

"I'm really not into football. I'm really shit. I'm sure I would be kicked off the team if I played with them," I joked.

"I've never played," Dan answered, his eyes fixed on the ball.

"You haven't missed anything really, don't worry. I would much rather stay inside playing videogames all day." That sentence caught Dan's attention way more than everything else I'd said to him.

"You play videogames?" he asked, locking his tired eyes with mine.

"Do I play videogames? How is that a question?" I giggled. "Yes. Way too much."

"That's so cool." Dan looked at me like I was some sort of celebrity. "I-I play too. You know, Sonic and stuff. Basically all kinds of games really."

Even though I felt flattered by the way he looked at me, I couldn't help but feel sad too. He had obviously never really talked properly to another kid his age before.

"Yeah. I play everything too." I smiled. "Maybe we could play something together sometime? If you want."

"Of course." He smiled like he had just won the lottery. I hadn't thought I would get anything out of this day, but it seemed like I just had made someone happier than ever, just by talking about videogames.

We sat in silence, just watching the others play. Dan looked really excited, but if it was because he wanted to play football because he had never tried it before or if it was because he looked forward to us playing videogames at some point later was hard to tell.

After a couple of minutes, the bell rang and I got to stand. Dan did the same.

"Just walk inside. I'll catch up," he told me as he started walking slowly. "I won't be able to make it before the teacher anyway. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I don't care." My mum wouldn't be happy to hear that I was late to classes on my first day, but I was sure she would understand my reason if I told her about Dan. "I'm following you inside at your own pace. Trouble or not."

Dan sighed softly and walked faster than before, making me speed up. I looked seriously at him until he stopped completely and took some deep breaths. He started walking again, still faster than when we went outside. But soon stopped again to take deep breaths. His face turned a little paler, if that even was possible.

Then it hit me what he was doing and I quickly grabbed his hand, making him stop.

"I don't mind coming late. Just, slow down. Really, I don't mind, Dan." I wrinkled my forehead at him. "It's okay."

He nodded quickly and tried to catch his breath.

"I'm s-sorry," he gasped.

"It's fine. I don't want to see you struggle like this. It's just a stupid class." My heart fell to my stomach. Being so young and not even able to walk quickly because of a bad heart. It could have been me. We were the same age. Not being able to run or do any kind of physical activity—I couldn't imagine that.

"Can we sit down? Please," he asked nervously.

"Of course," I whispered and helped him down on the ground. I got a little worried. This was my fault, I shouldn't have taken him outside. He was much weaker than I'd thought.

"How does it feel like?" I asked. "Please tell if I asked too much. I'm just curious."

"No, it's fine." He took a couple of deep breaths. The colour had returned to his cheeks. "You can't really feel it though. Or not all the time. Sometimes it's just like, you feel tightness in your chest. Here." He placed a hand on my heart and ran his fingers down my chest to indicate the area. "My heart is really weak, which means it has to struggle ten times more than yours to get the blood around my body. It pounds so hard that it hurts sometimes and it can make me dizzy and stuff..." He moved his hand away from me again. "I have a hole in my heart and normally they can close it when you're a baby, but mine is placed really bad, so it can't do that."

"Is it dangerous?" After I asked I mentally hit myself in the face. Of course it was dangerous. It was his heart.

"Yeah…" He looked down at his hands. "I go to the doctors a lot and take a lot of medication." He nodded while he said it.

I didn't answer because I had no words. I sighed softly and stared at his bowed head.

"I'm ready to walk in now," he said after a few minutes.

"Sure?" I wouldn't pressure him. This was my fault, after all.

"Yes. Could you, maybe, help me up?" Dan asked shyly. Without questioning, I grabbed both of his hands and pulled in up from the ground. He hardly weighed anything, which made it easy to get him up.

* * *

For the first time ever, I actually looked forward to going to school. I almost ran all the way to the bus. I looked forward to spending the day with Dan, just talking. We liked all the same things: the same games, the same music, the same movies. Everything was just the same; it was almost scary.

The weather was really nice again, so I thought about taking him outside and then just keeping track of the time so we wouldn't get in trouble for being late.

I walked into the building, happier than I'd been in a long time. Moving had been really hard for me. I'd finally felt good in school—I felt comfortable. And then we had to move to a new place.

But now I didn't really mind anymore. Dan and I connected on whole new level that I'd never thought I would experience.

I stepped into our classroom and looked around hopefully, but there was no Dan. I glanced at the clock. Still 10 minutes until the bell would ring. He could still make it.

I sat down on the same seat as yesterday and nervously tapped my foot up and down on the floor. Any minute now.

The bell rang and the corners of my mouth relaxed and fell down. He wasn't in. My heartbeat rose slightly. Had something happened? Was he ill?

It was my fault. I took him outside. I did this.

I looked around on my classmates, panicking. They didn't seem to notice he was gone. Or maybe they just didn't care.

The day went so slowly. I was too concerned to concentrate on anything. Dan would feel bad if he knew he worried me so much that I lost my concentration, but I couldn't help it. Maybe he was at the hospital? He could be all alone.

"Sorry, Mr. Jackson?" I asked our teacher when we got the first break. "Where's Dan?" Maybe he would know if his mum had called in or something.

"Oh hey, Philip. Enjoying the new school?" He smiled down to me.

"Yeah. But why is Dan not around?" I asked again, more desperately this time.

"He's ill," he responded simply.

"Ill? Like how ill?" Was it the flu, was it a headache… or was it his heart?

"I'm sure he's fine. Don't worry." He packed his stuff and left, leaving me with no useful answers to my questions.

I couldn't stop worrying.

* * *

"Did you have a good day?" my mum asked when I stepped inside.

"Yes, I guess," I answered, followed by a sigh.

"You don't like it there?"

I heard my mum move from the kitchen in to the hallway where I was standing.

"I do. It's not like that," I assured her, throwing my jacket on the floor along with my bag. "Could you call someone for me? Someone from my class."

"Is someone bullying you?" She wrinkled her forehead slightly.

"No! Mum, it's nothing like that. It's just his boy in my class who didn't show up today. He's really ill…"

"It's not your job to take care of the other students, sweetie. I'm sure he'll be back tomorrow, don't worry." She stepped close enough to brush my hair out of my eyes while she smiled.

"You don't understand." I pushed her hand away. "He's not just ill. He has a heart condition…" I mumbled, looking down. "And he's my friend. I want to now if he's okay." My throat closed. I was desperate to know if he was okay. It was a weird feeling—we had just met. "It's important to me." I looked back up at her, my eyes slightly glassy.

"I'll call the school, okay? Come on." She stretched her hand towards mine, grabbed it, and led me back into the kitchen. I quickly dried my eyes.

I sat down on one of the chairs and watched her dial the number. She gave me a quick, caring smile before the person on the phone picked up.

I nervously stared at my fingers and twisted them around while my mum talked on the phone.

"Thank you. Goodbye." She hung up and turned to me.

"Well?" I asked and stared at her.

"I got his number. Do you want to call him or should I?"

"I-I can do it." She entered the number and handed me the phone. I widened my eyes as it started ringing.

"_Hello?_" It was a woman's voice speaking. She sounded tired, like I'd interrupted her in the middle of something. I regretted calling. This was obviously not the time, but it was rude to just hang up.

"H-hello. My name is Phil. I'm from Dan's class…"

"_Oh, yeah. He's mentioned you._"

"I was just calling to make sure he is okay." I looked questioningly at my mum. Was I doing this right?

"_Do you want me to get him for you?" _she asked. I heard her tone change slightly for the better.

"If it's not a problem. I mean, if it's okay… I'm not bothering you?"

"_Not at all, sweetie. Hang on._" I smiled to my mum, telling her it was okay.

"_Phil?_" If I thought his mum sounded tired, I was wrong. Dan's voice sounded nearly invisible. It was scary.

"Hey," I said. Dan breathed heavily into the phone. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I missed you at school today. We should have played video games," I reminded him and tried my best to sound as happy as possible, not wanting him to feel bad about not showing up.

"_I'm fine, really. It's just…_"—He stopped to breathe—"_bad today. I'm sorry._"

"That's fine. I'm just glad you're okay." My mum started rubbing my upper arm with her thumb.

"_Maybe you could come over now?_"

"That's not necessary. If you're not feeling well, I don't want to bother you."

"_I'll just ask my mum._" Dan suddenly sounded more awake. Or maybe more excited. I didn't know if this was a good idea. I heard them talk in the background, but it was only mumbling. I nervously looked at my mum, but she just smiled.

"_It's okay._" You could nearly hear him smile through the phone.

"You sure?" I asked nervously.

"_It'll be fine. I'm sure._" Dan still breathed heavily; he didn't sound very well. I don't know if I should go. "_I live down the hill. Number 235._"

"Oh. That's close," I responded, surprised.

"_Is it?_"

"Yeah. It's just down the road."

"_But you're allowed to come over. If you want of course._"

"I would love to." I smiled to my mum. "Okay, see you in a minute." I hung up and handled her back the phone. "Can I go visit Dan? Just for a bit," I asked her.

"Yes, of course. Just be home by seven. Then we're having dinner. Change your clothes first."

He lived about five minutes away. I started walking, but it soon turned into running.

"227, 229, 231, 233…" I whispered to myself and kept an eye on the houses. "235." I stopped in front of a quite big brown house. It was bigger than my house and with a messy front garden full of bushes and small trees. The house looked in better condition than the garden though.

I slowly walked towards the house and nervously knocked on the wooden front door. I heard footsteps inside before it was being opened slowly. A tall thin woman with brown hair looked down at me. She looked like Dan: brown eyes with dark circles around. She looked tired, but still smiled widely at me.

"Come in." She stepped aside, making room for me to walk in. "Let me take your jacket," she offered.

"Thank you." I smiled and handed it to her before I kicked off my shoes.

"He's in the lounge. Just that way and turn left." She pointed straight ahead and I followed her directions.

My palms started to sweat. I had never visited a heart patient before. What was I going to see?

I stepped into the room and saw Dan sitting on the couch with his duvet wrapped around him. I sighed softly. It just looked like he had a cold or something.

"Hi," I said in a happy tone that made him turn his head. He smiled widely when he saw me.

"Hi." He moved his covers away and sat up fully.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Honestly. It was just a bad night so I needed a day off." He pointed to his side, asking for me to sit down beside him.

"It's not something I did?" I had thought about it all day. "I took you outside and..."

"No." He grinned. "Don't worry, Phil. My heart just didn't want to let me sleep, apparently." He talked about it like everything was normal, but of course it was to him.

"Okay, good. I was just worried."

"Don't be. It's not your fault." He turned his attention back to the TV. I stared at him for a couple of seconds without him noticing. He looked really ill and I felt bad about being here. But I couldn't tell if it just was because he hadn't gotten enough sleep.

"What are you watching?" I asked and looked at the TV too.

"Toy Story. But we could play something? Videogames of course." His eyes lightened up while he said it.

"Yeah." I started to loosen up. I shouldn't be so scared—he was just a normal kid with a heart disease. I shouldn't treat him differently. I shouldn't treat him like he was ill. That wouldn't make him feel better. I wanted to be his friend and I wanted to make him forget about his condition. That was my job from now on.

"What do you want to play?"

"What do you have?"

He just smiled, stood up and walked towards he shelf hanging on the wall. "These."

"Wow. You have so many." I widened my eyes and stood up too.

"Yeah. I can't really do anything else, so my parents buy me games instead of bicycles and stuff." But that didn't seem to bother him. More like the opposite.

"Crash Bandicoot?" I suggested.

"Good idea." He took it down from the shelf before he put it on.

"Mum!" he shouted through the room, making me jump a little and stare at him.

"Something wrong?" she asked as she entered the room.

"No." Dan sighed. His mum was obviously even more worried than I was. "But can we got some Ribena maybe?" he asked.

"Of course." She smiled, relieved, and turned around.

* * *

Dan promised me he would come to school today, but I didn't want to get my hopes up too high in case he'd had a rough night again and didn't show up.

I walked past the other students through the school until I reached the room I had to be in. I scanned the rows of chairs hopefully. The corners of my mouth turned up when I saw Dan sitting in his seat.

"Hey." I waved to him.

"Hello." He still sounded tired and exhausted, but smiled happily anyway.

"Better today?" I asked, sitting down. I found my book and opened it.

"Much," he breathed out and glanced at me. "But could you maybe do me a favour?"

"Anything," I assured.

"My mum has to work late today because she had to stay home with me yesterday, so she can't pick me up." He looked down like he was ashamed. "Could you, maybe if you don't mind, follow me home?" He kept avoiding eye contact. "Or we could go home to yours. It's just, I can't take the bus or walk alone..." He mumbled the last words.

"Yeah, of course I can."

"Really?" He looked up slightly surprised.

"Yeah. You don't even have to ask. You should just have said, 'follow me home so I can kick your ass in Sonic'," I joked, making Dan giggle.

"Okay, if you say so… Phil, follow me home so I can kick your ass in Sonic," he repeated while laughing.

"No problem." I smiled. "But I'm gonna kick your ass first, so be prepared."

"Sure. And who lost 99 times out of 100 yesterday?"

"I don't know. Not me," I joked back.

* * *

"We're not going to make it," Dan whispered and slowed down even further.

"Of course we are. It's just outside the school."

"Yeah, but I can't walk faster than this." I looked back at him.

"Okay. Give me your bag and I'll run ahead to stop the bus and make it wait for you, okay?" Dan nodded and took a deep breath before he handled me his bag. "Please don't hurry, I'll make it wait. I promise."

I ran out of the building and up to the street just in time for the bus to arrive. I waited for everyone to stepped on before I got in.

"Please can you wait? My friend is coming in a minute, please."

"I have a schedule I need to follow kid. I'm sorry. Your friend could have run like you."

"He has a heart condition," I answered shortly. "So he can't run. I promised him to stop the bus and wait for him so you just stay."

"Whatever," The bus driver breathed out, but didn't move.

I saw Dan walking down the road. I smiled and waved to him.

"Thank you." He smiled to the bus driver when he got here.

"You okay?" I asked him and helped him into be bus. He just nodded quickly, bumped into the seat and rested his head back.

"My pulse just needs to slow down, it's fine." He closed his eyes and relaxed.

"Does it hurt?" I asked and looked him over.

"A little."

"Something I can do?" I whispered

"No." He opened his eyes back up. "Why do you always ask?"

"I want to know everything." I really wanted to learn everything about this. Understand what he was going through and make it better any way I could.

"Why?" he asked and looked questioningly at me.

"Because I want to help you."

"Then give me your heart. We could switch." He kept his face emotionless, not smiling. I didn't know what to answer. Did he mean it? I looked at him, confused.

"I was kidding, Phil." He nudged my shoulder, pushing me out of my trance.

"Right."

"You should have seen your face." Dan grinned, closed his eyes and leaned back on the seat.

* * *

**DAN'S POV!**

"We could go home to yours instead?" I suggested when we got off the bus.

"You sure that would be okay? I mean…"

"Yeah, my parents aren't home anyway and I don't like being alone." I was scared of being left at home alone. It didn't happen often because my mum was just as scared as I was. But today both of my parents had to work late. I felt bad for asking Phil, but he didn't seem to mind. I liked spending time with him. He was like a break from illnesses and hospitals.

"Come on." He stretched his arm out and grabbed my hand. "You live further away from the bus stop anyway."

We walked down the road until we reached a small gray house. Smaller than mine, but a lot prettier.

"I think my mum is home," Phil said. I nodded nervously and let go of his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside. "It's still a bit of a mess in here, I'm sorry."

"That's fine." Boxes were standing on top of each other all the way down the hall.

"Just throw your stuff where you want. Things are everywhere anyway," Phil said, kicking his shoes off and placing his bag on the floor.

I did the same.

"What do you want to do?" he asked me. "My room is not quite done yet, but maybe we could go outside? The weather is good." I looked out. The sun was shining and it was hot enough, but I was still in my school clothes and they shouldn't get dirty. I nodded anyway and followed him through the house.

"I want to teach you something. Stay there." Phil ran across the garden and picked up a ball from the grass.

"You said you couldn't play?"

"I can't. But my brother taught me some tricks."

"You have a brother?" I asked, walking closer.

"Yeah. A big brother." Phil smiled and placed the ball on the ground in front of him. "Do you have any siblings?"

"A little brother. But he's just annoying. I understand him though. My parents give me all the attention…" Phil stopped his movements to look at me. I didn't mean to take all the attention, it just happened. I was poor, ill Dan. When I had bad nights, either my mum or dad would stay up with me. Sometimes my brother started crying at night so they would stay with him instead, but they didn't. I felt sorry for him, even though I couldn't help it.

"Should we play?" Phil tried to change the subject. I nodded quickly. "Okay, stand there." He pointed some meters to his left. "And when I kick the ball to you, you just kind of kick it back. Use the inside of your foot. Like this." Phil kicked the ball in my direction.

I moved my foot, but of course I didn't hit it. "Wow. Can I be on your team?" I grinned.

"Maybe we would be better at FIFA."

"Probably." I watched Phil as he picked up the ball again and placed it back in front of him.

"Try again," Phil said, smiling. He kicked the ball. This time I actually hit it. "Awesome!" Phil stopped the ball with his foot so it wouldn't roll away. I had never played before—it was quite fun. "Just tell me if it's too much, okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I nodded nervously. Any kind of movements made me nervous, even just walking slowly. It made my heartbeat rise, which was bad and only made things worse. "But do you think I can sit down?"

"Of course." Phil dropped the ball, grabbed one of the plastic chairs, and placed it on the grass.

"Thank you. Now kick it to me. I can still try sitting down," I said happily, moving around to get myself ready. "I think I got this now."

"You sure?" Phil giggled and got ready to kick the ball.

"I just need to hit you in the face. Then all my dreams are alive." I laughed.

* * *

**A/N: **As I've said already, this is going to be chaptered! And amazing (if I can write down the plans I have in my head). But it's going to be better and more interesting, I promise!


	2. Chapter 2

******I'll heal the hole in your heart **chapter 2

**Summary about chapter 2:** (They're 14-15 years old) Dan and Phil have to go on a school trip with all their classmates. Dan starts feeling bad at night and Phil has to help him.

**Words: **5.936

* * *

**DAN'S POV!**

"And we're moving!" Phil said happily, poking his head between the seats in front of him. I smiled quickly at him before leaning my head against the window and looking out.

"You okay?" he asked, turning to me when he realised I didn't answer him. I slowly moved to face him so that the back of my head still was resting on the window.

"Yeah…" I muttered. I wasn't quite sure how I felt. It was my first school trip and I was really, really nervous. Because of my condition, I had never been anywhere with my class except inside the school. I had never been away from home other than when I had to stay at the hospital. My mum wouldn't let me.

But things had changed since Phil came along. My mum trusted him 110%, and of course, I did too. So she allowed me to go on this trip as long as Phil promised he wouldn't let me out of his sight. But it wasn't easy getting me on the bus. The teachers had been to a meeting with my parents to get all the information they needed about everything. Their 'Dan file' had to be a hundred pages long. Phil was at the same 'meeting', just at my house instead. I always felt bad dragging him into all this. He should be out living his life like a normal 15-year-old—not be stuck with me. But no matter how many times I told him that, he would just laugh and look at me the same way he always did. He knew I didn't mean it—he could always see right through me. I would be lost without him, but I still felt bad.

"What are you thinking about?" Phil asked. He tilted his head a little to the side while he glanced at me with his icy blue eyes.

"About how stupid you look when you do that," I said, smiling.

"Nah, you love it." He looked straight ahead again. I grinned to myself and got back to watching the landscape pass by outside the bus.

I sighed softly and pressed myself further into my seat. I was more nervous than I wanted to admit, and I actually just wanted to drive back home. This was stupid, even with Phil around.

I was lost in my own thoughts when I felt Phil grab my wrist. It was his way of holding my hand—by my wrist instead. People wouldn't understand that, but I did.

But just as he did, he sat straight up on his seat and forced me to turn my head by grabbing me underneath my chin.

"Dan."

"I'm just nervous. It's fine," I assured him. My heart was beating a little too fast, and Phil felt that through my wrist.

"Nervous about what?" he asked, wrinkling his forehead.

"I don't know. It's just… I've never been anywhere and... you know." I moved my gaze to his hand, which was still resting on my wrist.

"Nothing to be nervous about. I'm here, okay? And you just have to tell me if it's too much. Then we'll call your mum and tell her to pick you up. You don't have to stay."

"Hmm." I took some deep breaths and closed my eyes in an attempt to lower my heart rate.

* * *

We had been driving for nearly an hour now. I just kept looking out of the window and trying my best to calm myself down. Phil was still holding onto my wrist, but he squeezed it harder and harder as each minute went by.

"What are you doing?" I asked jokingly, looking over to him. But I stopped joking when I saw his face. He looked even paler than me and small pearls of sweat were forming on his forehead. "You okay?" I whispered. I tried to catch eye contact, but he kept looking straight ahead. "Phil?"

"Hmm," he mumbled through his clenched teeth.

"Travel sickness?" I asked nervously and turned fully around to get a proper look. He gave me a quick nod, still without looking at me. "Something I can do?" This was new. Normally people had to take care of me. I never did anything for anyone else.

"Do you need to throw up?" I watched him as he shook his head and swallowed hard.

"I'm fine," he whispered nearly inaudibly. I could tell he wasn't. Maybe he didn't want to admit it because he didn't want me to worry. "Just don't touch me," he breathed out.

"Please tell me if I can do anything." I wanted to be useful for once—not just sit here like I always did.

"Phil?" But he just kept shaking his head.

I sighed softly and searched through my bag. Even though he told me he wouldn't throw up, he still looked like he might any second.

I quickly searched through everything and finally found a plastic bag in which I stored some of the medication that couldn't fit in my toiletry. I took it out and handed the bag to Phil, who grabbed it and clutched it tightly in his hand.

After watching him take deep breaths for a couple of minutes, he flipped open the bag and bent over, making his hair fall into his eyes as he quietly threw up into the plastic bag in front of his mouth. My pulse rose slightly. I didn't like seeing him like this. I was the sick one, not Phil.

"Everything alright here?" our teacher—Mrs. Welsh—asked. She laid her hand on Phil's shoulder.

"H-he's car sick," I stuttered. I hadn't even noticed my breathing had sped up along with my heartbeat.

"I'll be fine," Phil slurred into the bag and spat a couple of times.

"Hm," I moaned and looked out of the window. I wanted to comfort him, but it made me feel a little nauseous seeing him getting sick.

"I'll find you some paper towels," Mrs. Welsh whispered.

"You okay?" Phil asked in a hoarse voice. I simply nodded in response and took a deep breath.

"Here," I heard our teacher say.

"Thank you," Phil answered. I was still focusing out of the window.

"Do you still feel bad?" she asked him.

"Yeah, a little," Phil slurred.

"We'll arrive soon, don't worry. Let me take that."

"Thanks."

I slowly turned my head. Phil was sat pressed against the bus seat with his eyes closed. I placed my hand on his knee and squeezed it a bit, making him open his eyes again and smile quickly.

"I'm fine, Dan. Don't worry," he mumbled and rested his head down on my shoulder. "Just let me rest here for a minute."

"O-okay," I responded nervously.

* * *

"Phil?" I whispered and gently shook him a bit. "Phil?"

"Hmm, what?"

"We're here."

"Where?" he asked, disorientated.

"The school trip, you idiot." I nudged him.

"Oh..." He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. "Right. I'm sorry."He rubbed his eyes and fixed my shirt, which he had wrinkled in his sleep.

"It's okay." I smiled widely. "Now move. I need to use the toilet."

"Yeah, o-of course." Phil took a few deep breaths, making sure he was fully awake before he got to stand. I grabbed my back from the floor and followed him out of the bus.

"Give me your bag. I'll get our baggage. Just go for the toilet," he said, holding out his hand.

"Thank you." I smiled. "Don't leave it somewhere. I'll need the medication in there," I told him, making sure he got it. My whole life depended on that bag.

"I know," he assured me. "Don't worry."

* * *

"We've got the whole place to ourselves. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Go outside?" I suggested and looked around at my surrounding. We were in a big building that all kinds of schools and clubs were using for different kinds of camps. We had to share rooms, two and two. Each room had a bunk bed and a small table. It seemed quite comfortable. This should be fun.

All our classmates had to go on a walk with the teachers, but I couldn't come with them so we had to stay back.

"Good idea." Phil smiled.

The weather was good, so there was no problem with being outside in shorts and t-shirts. Even though I was wearing a long sleeved shirt, I got cold really easily and it was important that I didn't get sick or something.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked. He turned around so he was walking backwards, making it possible for him to look me in the eyes. A wide smile spread across his pale face as he looked down at me.

I grinned shyly and looked down on my feet. "Be careful you don't walk into a tree or something," I murmured to the ground, not daring to look up as I felt my cheeks slowly flush red.

"Oh, did I forget to tell you? I have eyes on the back of my neck," he joked.

"Stop it." I smiled, still looking down.

"Stop what?" he asked happily.

"That..." I mumbled and waved my hands in the air. I couldn't make myself say the rest of the sentence. It would probably ruin everything or make things weird. I couldn't afford something like that.

"What? I'm just walking." He grinned and bent over, trying to catch my eyes to see what I was on about. I did my best to avoid eye contact.

"Yes. But then stop that," I told him, stopping myself. His feet stopped moving and we stood still.

"Something wrong?" he asked. Suddenly his tone changed from happy to more nervous.

"Not at all," I answered and sat down on the dry grass.

"You want to stay on the ground?" he asked, confused.

"Yeah." I looked around. I was sat on the grass in front of the building. Phil was still standing in front of me. "Yeah. Here is fine."

"You sure you're okay?" he asked as he sat down.

"I'm fine, Phil." I smiled and finally looked up. "Really," I assured him. My cheeks were still slightly hot, but I could blame the heat for that rather than my friend in front of me.

"What do you want to do here then?" he asked, his tone a mix between happy and rather confused.

"Just, nothing," I answered without really knowing where this conversation was going.

"Hmm, okay. Whatever you want, King Daniel."

"Very funny." I quickly nudged his shoulder, leaned back on the grass, and closed my eyes, just letting the sun heat up my body. I could hear Phil do the same.

We were just lying—no talking. I liked silence like this. It was something different with Phil. I could be like I wanted to be. If I wanted to talk, we could talk. If I wanted to stay silent, we would say nothing. I didn't need to entertain him all the time. It was just like being around myself. I was comfortable with him.

"What do you wanna do when you grow up?" I asked, still lying stretched out on the grass, my fingers buried in the straws.

"Hmm, I don't know," Phil mumbled. "I haven't really thought about it."

"You haven't?" I asked, surprised.

"No. Or maybe. Something with media could be nice, but… Yeah, I don't know." He sighed. "Have you thought about anything?" he asked.

"Yeah…" I breathed out. "But first of all, I don't even know if I'm going to grow up and..." But I didn't get the chance to finish my sentence before I felt Phil moving around beside me, making me turn my head to see what he was doing. He was rolled on his side and supporting himself on his elbow while resting his head on his hand. I rolled on my side too, to get a better look when the sun was out of my sight.

"Dan."

"Hmm?"

"Don't say that." He shook his head a bit while he glanced sadly at me.

"But it's true…" I whispered, looking away.

"I know. But just don't… please," he begged. "You can be whatever you want because you're going to live a long, happy life, okay?" We didn't talk about the future that much. I wanted to sometimes, but Phil just got angry or frustrated. It was more comfortable for me to talk about it than for him. I understood though. I had been around illness and hospitals all my life. It was nothing new to me or my family, but to Phil it was something different. I liked it. He didn't just accept everything like my parents did.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled and rolled back onto my back.

"It's okay." Phil placed his hand on my shoulder and gently rubbed his thumb across my shirt, making me look at him again. "But what do you want to do?" He smiled.

"You'll laugh." I giggled nervously and blinked up at him.

"No I won't, stupid," he responded slightly offended.

"If you promise, then I'll tell you." I smiled.

"I promise," he said determinedly.

"I want to be an actor." I glanced away from him, afraid of his reaction. "But it's never going to happen. With a heart like mine... It's just unrealistic."

"Don't let a disease stop you from having dreams, Dan. It doesn't matter," Phil tried.

"Well, who would hire an actor with a heart condition?" I asked.

"I don't know. You never know what could happen. If I dreamt about being a football player, would you then tell me I couldn't?"

"But you suck at football."

"I know, but that's not the point, Dan. If it was something I liked, should I just stop because I'm bad? And maybe I could be better at some point." He stopped for a second, just looking me in the eyes. "If it's something you like, Dan, don't just stop because of a weak heart."

"It's a stupid idea..." I muttered. I thought a lot about how my life would turn out, but every time my mind came to subjects such as universities and future job opportunities, I became sad. I didn't know how much I would be able to handle in the future. School was hard enough already.

"It's really not, Dan. I think it's a great idea," Phil assured me. "I mean it…"

I didn't answer—just laid down again, allowing the sun to shine back on my face.

"You could sign up for a drama club or something. Be in the school play."

"Would you come and watch me then?" I giggled jokingly.

"How is that a question? Of course I would!"

I smiled at the sun as I felt my cheeks slowly turning red again. Hoping Phil wouldn't notice, but he stayed down right beside me.

**PHIL'S POV!**

"Dan?" I asked after about 20 minutes of just laying flat down on the grass. But I got no answer. "Dan?" I asked again and moved up to a sitting position, making it possible for me to look down at him. He was fast asleep beside me.

"Great," I muttered, smiling widely. I never had the heart to wake him up, but we couldn't stay here all day. Our classmates would also be back soon.

I watched him as he slowly rolled over and made himself comfortable on his side. I lay back down again, facing him and just watching him sleep peacefully. I liked watching him like that—he didn't seem ill at all.

I couldn't resist the temptation and gently stroked my fingers across his cheek, making him nuzzle his head onto his hands at the touch.

Being careful not to wake him up, I carefully brushed his brown hair out of eyes. I don't think he could get anymore adorable even if he tried.

I heard voices coming from behind us and I slowly turned around. Our class was walking down the gravel path.

"Dan?" I whispered and rubbed his shoulder.

"No..." he muttered.

"You have to wake up, I'm sorry."

"Please... I'm so tired."

"I know. But the others are coming now and we can't just lay sleeping on the grass," I told him. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times at me. "Good morning." I smiled.

"Go away," he responded, stretching his arms above his head.

"Maybe you should go take a nap if you're so tired?"

"Maybe. I didn't sleep very well last night either," he mumbled, followed by a yawn.

"Why?" I asked nervously. I moved to stand on all fours and leaned over him, blocking the sun from his eyes.

"I don't know. Nervous I guess. It's my first school trip ever and all... I don't know. If something happened..."

"Hmm..." I wrinkled my forehead and slowly looked him over. I began to wonder if it was such a good idea bringing him here.

"Let me help you up," I offered and got to stand. "Take my hand." I stretched out my hand, asking for him to grab it before I pulled him off of the ground.

"Thanks."

We started walking inside until Mrs. Welsh stopped us.

"Everything alright?" she asked, smiling.

"Everything is fine," I responded and moved my gaze to Dan.

"Good. Dinner in a minute. Go wash your hands." She nodded at us and started walking towards the other students to tell them the same thing she'd just told us.

"What time is it?" Dan asked as we stepped inside.

I quickly glanced at the clock. "Around six."

"Medication time!" Dan cheered sarcastically and then sighed.

"Wait here. I'll get it." I ran down the corridor and searched through the bag he'd had with him on the bus. Finding the container in which all his pills were stored, I ran back to him.

"Got it," I breathed and held it up in front of him. "Now walk. I'm hungry."

We entered the great hall. Many of our classmates were already sat by the tables. I looked around, desperately hoping to find two seats next to each other.

"There." Dan pointed to the back of the room.

"Sit down, I'll get the food." I turned to the table with the food on. They decided to make burgers. I knew Dan had to eat as healthily as possible, so I didn't like their choice of food, but there was nothing to do about it. Luckily there was some salad, so I filled a whole plate with that before I headed back to Dan.

"The best I could do," I said. I handed him his plate with a whole mountain of boring salad on and a small burger on the side.

"Wow." Dan grinned. "It's fine."

"Great." I sat down just as Dan opened the box with the pills, making the kid in front of us stare strangely at Dan.

Dan moved his hand with the pills underneath the table and looked down. He didn't like taking all those pills in front of people, but it was better swallowing them with food than water.

"What?" I snapped and angrily glared at the boy.

"Nothing. Nothing…" He tried.

"Great! Then look away," I said harshly, pointing in the other direction. He focused down on his food instead.

* * *

"I'm done for today, Phil. I'm sorry." Dan had slowed down on our way back to our room. I stopped, turned around, and looked him over.

I stepped back to him and lifted up his chin. "Time for bed then." His eyes had turned a light shade of red.

"And what should you do?" he asked, breathing heavily.

"Stare at you?"

"Creep." He giggled shyly.

"Yes." I smiled and forced him to start moving again.

"Can I borrow your hoodie?" he asked me and sat down on the bed.

"Where's yours?"

"I forgot it." It looked like he was lying or just too lazy to find his own, but I didn't question it.

"Of course." I nodded before searching through my luggage. I found the hoodie and gently threw it in his direction. He pulled it over his head, not caring to take the hood off as he lay down on the bed. "Anything else?"

He shook his head. "Were you serious with the staring thing?" he asked as he closed his eyes.

"Hmm, yes. Maybe I'll read a bit too." I unpacked his sleeping bag and unzipped it so it could be used as a duvet instead, as I didn't think he had energy go climb into it.

"Read something for me," he mumbled, half-asleep.

"I'll just be reading loud to myself." I said and wrapped the sleeping bag around him.

"I'll listen. I promise." He smiled and yawned lazily.

"Okay then. It's going to be Harry Potter. Is that okay?"

"Do I have other choices?" I could hear he was already drifting off.

"No." I laughed, opened the book, and started to read for him.

Half an hour and a few chapters later, light snoring was the only sound filling the room. I stopped reading and moved my gaze towards him. He was passed out asleep on top of the bed, legs tangled in the sleeping bag and his head hidden underneath his hand.

The door was suddenly being pushed open by one of the teachers. "Hey, Phil, would you and Dan like to... Oh." He spotted the sleeping form on mattress. "Is he okay?" the teacher asked nervously, lowering his voice.

"It's fine. He's just tired," I assured him. "I'll just stay here and read while he sleep. It's okay."

"Okay, good. I'll tell the others not to bother you."

"Thank you, sir." I smiled.

After reading about 200 pages, my eyelids were too heavy to keep open. The hall had become silent and it was slightly dark outside.

I quickly changed out of my clothes and into something more comfortable. The last challenge was getting up into bed without waking Dan. It was an old wooden bed, which would definitely make a sound as soon as I put a foot on the ladder.

As carefully as I could I claimed up the ladder, one slow step after another.

"Phil?" I heard Dan mutter beneath me. _Shit_ I thought to myself, stopping my movements. "Is that you?"

"Yeah..." I answered and stepped back down on the ground.

"I'm scared," he whispered.

"Of what?" I got on my knees beside the bed. It was hard to see anything—I could only make out the outline of his figure.

"I don't know. It's just..." He stopped to breathe. "Could you maybe sleep down here?" he asked, nearly too quietly to hear.

"Of course," I whispered and stood back up. "Move over." I grabbed my sleeping bag and unzipped it like I did with Dan's.

"Are you cold?" I asked as I lay down.

"A little."

I wrapped both of the covers around him, leaving me with only a thin blanket.

"Now you have nothing?"

"It doesn't matter, Dan. Don't think about me. Now just sleep." I made myself comfortable on the small bed and pressed myself against Dan. I tried not to make this too weird, but I didn't want him to be scared. He had only ever slept at my house before, so I understood.

"Thank you..."

* * *

Maybe we had been asleep for two hours when I woke up to some whimpering noises coming from beside me. It took me a minute to understand that it was Dan making them. I looked around, confused from sleeping. I couldn't really see anything, so I stumbled out of bed and turned on the light only to reveal Dan curled up in a ball on the bed. It sounded like he had trouble breathing so I slowly turned him around. He was covered in small beads of sweat and his breathing was heavy and gasping.

I stuck two fingers to his neck to feel his pulse. It was really fast, so I removed his covers and placed my hand down on his chest. His heart was pounding just as fast and irregularly.

"Dan?" I nervously shook him a bit.

"Huh?" he squeaked out through struggling breaths.

"The beta-blockers. Where are they?" I asked urgently, making sure he would understand.

"Plastic bag in…" It was obviously hurting him with every breath. "B-backpack."

I hurriedly spun around and overturned his backpack, making everything fall out.

"It-it's not there!" I desperately searched through his stuff. Nothing.

"You used... the bag. Carsick. Must have… f-fallen o-out."

"You mean, they're on the bus?" I stopped all my movements, froze, and turned my attention back to Dan who looked even worse than before. "Jesus Christ, Daniel…" I muttered as my muscles started trembling.

I pulled him into a sitting position—it wouldn't do him any good lying down. I climbed into the bed and placed myself behind him, making him sit between my legs so he could use my torso as a pillow. He just fell numbly onto me and breathed heavily.

With unsteady movements, I picked up my phone and called Mrs. Welsh. I had her number just in case anything like this happened.

"_Phil?_"

"Hurry down here!" I practically yelled into the phone. "And call an ambulance!"

Within seconds our door was being violently swung open. Dan didn't seem to notice at all and just stayed leaning against me, his head resting on my collarbone. Mrs. Welsh and our other teacher, Mr. Robertson, hurried into the room. But Mr. Robertson quickly walked back out again, holding up his phone. I heard him explaining to, what I guessed must have been the dispatcher or Dan's parents, what the situation was.

"The beta-blockers have gone missing," I hurried told Mrs. Welsh. "He needs to go to the hospital."

"We just called, don't worry." She sounded almost more nervous than I was. No time to freak out in situations like this—that wouldn't help on anything. That was the first thing Dan's mother taught me. It was okay to be scared, but staying calm was important.

"Ph-Phil… The tablets… Give th-them to m-me." Dan whined.

"We don't have them," I mumbled and dragged my fingers through his messy sweaty hair. The pills were supposed to expand his veins, making it easier for the blood to go around his body and relieve the heart by slowing down the heart rate. Without them, Dan's blood flow was constricted and his heart was cramping. We never knew when this might occur, but it rarely happened at night so this made me really nervous. I'd watched him have them before, but that was when he wasn't my responsibility. His mother was around to fix things. I was just there and listened to everything she told me about it.

Now he was my responsibility and I couldn't give him the help he needed.

"I'm scared…" he murmured.

I sighed softly and gave the teacher a quick glance before I answered. "I know. Everything is fine..." Everything was not fine—I was just trying to calm him down. Panic wouldn't help.

I slipped my hand underneath his shirt and moved it up to placed it on his heart. I could feel how it was struggling and it made me really scared too.

"Am I going to…" He cut himself of by breathing. "Die?" he whispered.

I felt all the blood leaving my head by that question.

"O-of course not," I stuttered into his hair and gently, dragging my fingers across his chest. "It's your birthday soon, remember? 15 years old, Dan..." I did my best to not make this about the illness in an attempt not to freak him out and make it worse.

"Hm…"

"And I was going to come over. Remember that?" I removed my hand from him and tried to turn my head a bit to get a better look at him. He was white as snow and had his eyes closed tightly together while his mouth was slightly hanging open. "Dan?"

"Hm." But he just kept making a _hmm_ sound with each breath, so I couldn't be sure he was paying attention to me.

"And you are going to be an actor…" I continued with a shaking voice. I wasn't ready to handle this. I thought I was and that was why I agreed to take him on this trip. He should've never come along. I couldn't do things like this. I couldn't be the responsible one and the caring friend all at once. I didn't know how to handle this. I was just Phil and this was my fault. If I hadn't have gotten carsick, we would have had the medication and this wouldn't be that big of a problem. He was really ill right now, and it was my fault.

"Hff…Phi.. It, it h-hurts…" I wrapped my arms around his torso and held him close because I was helpless. I grabbed his one wrist and pressed my fingers against his pulse. I always did that whenever he felt bad. It was my way to holding his hand and it sometimes made him smile because he thought I was ridiculous, but I knew he liked it.

Mrs. Welsh was standing beside me, just looking. All of the other teachers had appeared too and Mr. Robertson was trying to explain the situation.

I looked out of the window and saw red and blue lights coming through the curtains.

"The ambulance is here," I whispered, not even sure if he could hear me.

Two medics rushed into the already too-crowded room and started asking questions. I answered as many as I could until someone handed one of the medics a phone with Dan's mum at the other end.

To get a better working space, they moved him away from my arms and onto the stretcher. He was just like a poorly breathing doll, not reacting to any of the movements.

They quickly cut the hoodie open, along with the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing underneath to get his chest free, allowing them to stick a small cardiac monitor to his chest so they could watch everything.

I hadn't moved from my position and now others took over the situation. The adrenaline was slowly wearing off. I felt light-headed and started to shake a little.

I forced myself to look at Dan and the medics even though it made me feel sick. I wanted to follow everything they were doing to him. He could die and my mind was slowly starting to realise that. My breathing sped up and I started to shake more violently. I could lose him.

They wrapped and oxygen mask around his head and put an IV in his hand.

"Let's go," one of the medics said, and started rolling Dan through the corridors. Some of the other students was looking out in the hall from their rooms. I quickly got up and followed them, not even caring to put on my shoes until Mrs. Welsh stopped me.

"Who is driving with us?" they asked as they pushed Dan into the ambulance.

"Him." The teacher pointed at me and one of the medics led me in to sit beside Dan. "And me." Mrs. Welsh pointed at herself. She put in the front seat.

After a couple of minutes, everything was ready and we started driving.

"You okay?" The medic asked me. I felt really dizzy and disorientated, probably just as pale as Dan, but nodded anyway. This shouldn't be about me. "This works the same way as the beta-blockers," he told me as he injected some medication into the IV. I kept nodding without saying anything and took a few really deep breaths as I felt the blood leaving my head. I knew all this, but I had never been in a situation like this with Dan on my own.

After a few minutes his heart slowed down a bit and it became easier for him to breathe.

"We'll arrive soon," the man told me while he wrote something down on his clipboard.

"Hmm," I breathed in understanding. I almost felt ill because I was so shocked.

After another couple of minutes we pulled over in front of the hospital. They rushed Dan inside. Mrs. Welsh and I followed them. I quickly took my place in a chair outside the room where they took care of Dan.

"Phil?" Mrs. Welsh carefully poked my shoulder. "Would you like to talk to Dan's parents?" She held out a phone.

I took it with my shaky hands and pressed it against my ear. "Hello?" I asked nervously.

"_Hey, Phil,_" said a tired voice. "_Everything okay?_"

The whole situation washed over me and I started sobbing into in phone. "No," I squeaked out before I started crying properly. "I'm s-sorry!"

"_Hey, hey. Nothing to be sorry about—it's not your fault. Everything is fine, okay?_"

I shook my head in response even though she couldn't see me. I couldn't form words.

"_You did just fine, Phil. Don't worry._" How could she stay so calm?

"It was m-my fault the medication got l-lost, I..." I sobbed and told her about the bus trip.

"_It wasn't your fault, sweetie. Your teacher told me about how you handled it back on the camp. You did perfectly. Absolutely perfect, Phil._"

I sniffed a couple of times and took a deep breath. "I made sure he wasn't cold or a-anything, but I-I still couldn't t-take c-care of him!" I grasped.

"_You did nothing wrong, okay? You did everything we told you, Phil. He's lucky having someone like you.." _she assured me and stopped talking for a second._ "We'll be there as fast as we can. But we have to drive a long way. Stay with him, can you do that?_"

"Y-yeah. Yeah, o-of course," I sobbed.

"_Do you want me to call your mum?_" she then asked me.

"Hmm, yes." I sniffed.

"_Okay. Okay, we'll arrive soon. But none of this is your fault, Phil._"

"No..." I muttered. "Okay. See y-you soon." I unsteadily handed the phone back to Mrs. Welsh, who continued talking to Dan's mum as she walked away.

I sat still on my chair, unsure of what would happen next.

After what seemed like an eternity, a nurse walked up to me. "Are you Phil?" she asked.

"Y-yeah, it's me." My heart was pounding really hard in my chest from pure nervousness.

"You can go see Dan now, if you want." She smiled down on me. I nodded, rose from the chair, and followed her down the hall before we stopped outside a room.

I slowly poked my head inside. Dan was lying stretched out on the white hospital bed with a big cardiac monitor standing beside, naked from his waist and up. All kinds of wires were stuck to different places on his chest. It beeped a steady rhythm along with the movements of the chest. A bag of saltwater was hooked up to his hand and oxygen tubes were attached to his nose.

I swallowed hard and entered the room.

"W-will he be alright?" I stuttered and walked closer.

"Yes. He'll be just fine," she assured me with a caring smile.

I watched him breathe peacefully as I stood right beside the bed.

"Phil_?_" he asked in a hoarse voice, nearly impossible to hear. He didn't even open his eyes.

"Yes." My eyes started water up again. "Yes. Hello…" I whispered. What do you say in a situation like this?

"Thank…" He slowly opened his eyes, took a deep breath and glanced tiredly at me "...you."

* * *

**A/N:**

But let me know what you think! Sharing is caring and I love you.

Follow for more Phanfiction!(^_^)


	3. Chapter 3

******I'll heal the hole in your heart** chapter 3

**Summary about chapter 3:** (They're 16-17 years old) It's Dan's first time on stage after starting in a drama club. Phil is watching him from behind the stage curtain and feelings are slowly making sense.

**Words: **1.465

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**DAN'S POV!**

"I'm not sure about this, Phil."

"Everything will be fine, Dan. I promise you."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked, whispering, and slowly turned around.

"I've seen you rehearse and you're amazing!" he assured me. I stared nervously at him.

"Let's sit down," Phil said as he led me further behind the stage.

We both sat down on some wooden boxes and stayed silent for a minute. I didn't know what to say; this was my first play, my first time on stage in front of actual people. People who could judge me and make fun of me. People who could ask questions and have opinions.

"Why suddenly so nervous?" Phil asked. He gently lifted up my chin so that he could look at me properly.

I closed my eyes and sighed softly in his hand before I spoke. "It's just… what if something happens?"

"Like what?"

"Like, I forget my lines or fall or even fall off the stage."

"Why would you do that, Dan? I've been to almost all your rehearsals and you've never made a mistake, so why would that happen tonight?"

"My parents are watching..." I muttered simply as I moved my head away from Phil's hand.

"And?" Phil asked, slightly confused.

"I want to prove something to them, Phil..." I focused back on my hands in my lap. "That I'm not just the useless sick Dan who's always sitting inside, doing nothing besides being ill…" I trailed off and took a few deep breaths. This wasn't the time to start crying and be sentimental. "This is the first time _I'm_ doing something. Something they can be proud of. Something they can look back on and be like, 'this is our son'. A thing that's not about hospitals." I turned my head to face Phil. He was looking caringly back at me. "Understand?"

"I understand…" he mumbled. "But they are proud of you anyway, Dan. You don't have to prove it." He paused.

"I'm proud of you. Remember the first time I met you? You were just sitting alone in the back of the classroom, not saying anything, not looking up, nothing. I found you so interesting… I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not attracted to 'normal'. You were so different."

"And you were nosey..." I nervously giggled.

"Yes. Yes I was." Phil smiled widely. "But when I think back on that time and then think of now, I can see how much you've changed. From not talking to anyone to having the main role in a play in front of a lot of people you don't even know."

"And my parents…"

"Forget your parents. You don't have to do anything to please others, not even your parents. Not even me. Just yourself—no one else. If you're proud of yourself, then that's all that matters."

Phil always knew how to say things so that I understood. And I wanted to do this. It wasn't all about my parents. I wanted to prove something to myself—that I could do things, heart condition or not.

"I'll be standing here and watching you. You're never alone. And maybe someday when you're more comfortable about this, I'll be sitting down there and watch you." Phil got to stand before he helped me up too.

"You're going to do great." He smiled widely and brushed my fringe out of my face. "I think you look more like Peter Pan that the real Peter Pan did."

"You've met Peter Pan?" I asked jokingly.

"Of course I have!" Phil grinned. "We're best friends!"

"I through I was your best friend?" I playfully nudged his shoulder.

"You can call me back the day you can fly."

"You're so annoying," I giggled. I almost forgot how nervous I was. Phil knew all the right ways to calm me down. Besides medication, I believe he was the most important thing in my life. I knew he was.

Then things got hard and my parents were only there to worry. Phil came as my knight in shining armour. He had an amazing ability to push the illness away. He never saw me as ill; I don't know how he managed it. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw nothing but hospitals. But when I looked at Phil, I saw life. I saw a future.

He was the one who pushed me into acting because he believed I could do it. He saw opportunities, not obstacles.

"Ready Daniel?" I quickly turned around. My drama teacher was walking towards us.

"Ready." I smiled.

"Two minutes."

"Yes, sir."

I turned back to Phil and lazily wrapped my arms around his torso. "Thanks," I breathed into his shoulder.

Phil squeezed me a little tighter. "I'm proud of you," he whispered. "Remember, if you're feeling bad you can just walk out to me. You don't have to stay in there if something starts to hurt or you get dizzy. I won't move from here and you'll be able to see me all the time if you turn your head."

"Yeah..." I muttered as I released Phil from my arms.

**PHIL'S POV!**

"Okay," I breathed out. I was almost more nervous than Dan. "Come on." I grabbed Dan's wrist and gently dragged him with me to stand beside the end of the stage curtain.

Dan's drama teacher was standing in the other end across the stage. He gave him a quick smile before Dan turned to face me.

The way he was looking at me made my body heat up. His gaze reminded me of the time we sat by the track, watching our classmates play football on the first day we met. The same thankful way he always looked at me.

The music started playing and Dan immediately focused straight ahead. I kept watching him without him realising and smiled widely. I couldn't believe how far he had come.

I let go of Dan's wrist and watched him as he started to walk slowly towards the middle of the stage.

I had seen them practice hundreds of times, but it still made me happy inside seeing Dan enjoying something. His life revolved around hospitals and worries, but it was like he forgot it all that when he was on stage.

The fact that they chose him for the main role, despite his condition, made him realise something as well. He couldn't let anything come in his way. Everybody was equal and should be treated equally.

Their teacher had modified the play for Dan. He was allowed to sit down from time to time when needed. The girl playing Wendy just followed his lead. She was really good. Dan was still learning, but he was talented—I could tell. His way of expressing emotions was impressive. He could be incredible if he kept going.

I sat down on a chair behind me, just watching the act.

Did I dare say that he looked beautiful? The way his brown hair was slightly messed up because of the role he was playing, and the way it curled in the end? His green costume, fitting his slim body perfectly? I couldn't allow myself to think like that, but I couldn't ignore the facts. He _did_ look beautiful. He _did_ look amazing.

But it was forbidden. How do you tell your best friend, your _only_ friend, that you like him? I knew I was gay and I had known for a while, but my feelings about Dan got mixed up along the way. I felt possessive towards him. I couldn't distinguish between love and protection.

I stopped my thoughts and focused back on the play. Dan had sat down on the stage floor with the girl playing Wendy beside him. They looked so happy and comfortable. Was this jealousy?

"Don't be stupid…" I giggled to myself, shaking my head. I couldn't be jealous. No feelings could control how my relationship with Dan would continue. I had no intention of asking him how he felt in case we were two different places. He had enough to think about, and neither of us could afford to lose a friendship—especially not a friendship like this. I was afraid i would scare him away so I had to keep the feelings in my heart.

I was the one Dan came to when things got to be too much. I was the one going with him everywhere when he was scared. I was the one being with him when he felt alone. And it gave me so much. I had never imagined that I would have such a big impact on someone's life. It was both amazing and terrifying.

Protection is some kind of love, isn't it?

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**A/N:** This is really short, but it was something I wanted to add. Chapter 4 will be up soon!


	4. Chapter 4

******I'll heal the hole in your heart **chapter 4

**Summary about chapter 4:** (They're 17-18 years old) Dan has a cold and has to be hospitalized. Phil skips school to come visit him. Things heat up…

**Words: **4.995

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**PHIL'S POV!**

"Too early..." I groaned and rolled over to turn my alarm off. I lazily put on my glasses to get a better look at my phone. Dan had written me a text saying he wouldn't come to school. That caught my attention and I sat up in bed. He'd sent it yesterday after I had fallen asleep.

Dan's mum had written me one too telling me they had brought Dan to the hospital last night, but that he had said that I shouldn't worry and just to go to school.

I read it over a couple of times, confused, before I fully understood what this was about.

"Hospital?" I mumbled. I quickly dialled Dan's mum's number and desperately waited for her to pick it up.

"_Hello?_"

"Hey Mrs. Howell, it's Phil. What's happening?" I asked as I started walking around my room to find my clothes. No matter what Dan told me, I would be visiting the hospital instead of showing up at school.

"_Oh hey. Everything is fine. His cold got worse, so we thought it would be best to take him to the hospital._"

"Are you there?" I asked.

"_No, I'm at work. Dan told you not to visit him, but I know you're going to anyway. But you have to wait until nine or else they won't let you in._" Dan's mum sounded really tired; it must have been a long night.

"He's alone?" I asked, surprised.

"_Yeah… I told them to call if something happened and I would be right over. But there's nothing I can do..._" She stopped.

"No, I understand. I'll visit him later and keep him company." I knew Dan hated everything about being in hospital, especially being alone. But his parents had jobs too, so I understood that they couldn't be there all day. Dan was a fairly well known patient, so it was not like he would be around strangers.

"_It's very sweet of you, Phil, but I think you should go to school instead… He shouldn't be the reason for your absence._"

"I won't be able to get anything done knowing he's in hospital, Mrs. Howell. So it's fine," I assured her as I walked around my room to find my computer and my DS so we'd at least have something to do besides look at white walls.

"_If you say so._" She sighed, but I could hear she was smiling.

"I say so." I smiled. "I'll make sure he's okay."

"_Thank you,_" she breathed into the phone.

* * *

"He's sleeping. But you can go in." A nurse pointed into the room to our left. I poked my head inside. Dan was lying on his side, facing away from the door, with a white duvet loosely wrapped around him. Nothing was beeping—the only sound I could hear was Dan's steady breathing—so I guessed it wasn't that bad.

I tiptoed through the room towards the hospital bed and rolled over a chair so I could sit next to him.

As I sat down, I quickly looked him over. An oxygen mask wrapped around his head and he had a bag of saltwater hooked up to his right hand.

I bent down a little to get a better look. He had dark circles around his closed eyes and his brown hair was covering his forehead. He looked even paler than he usually was. I could tell from his breathing that his nose was blocked. He'd had a cold for a few days now and it was only getting worse, so bringing him here was probably a good idea.

I leaned over the bed, crossed my arms, placed them on the mattress, and rested my head down on them, just watching him sleep. That had always been one of my favourite views—looking at Dan sleeping—so I couldn't help but smile.

After watching for another 10 minutes, he started coughing softly, causing him to wake up a little. I kept staring at him until he was fully awake and glancing confusedly at me.

"Phil?" he asked, followed by a few coughs.

"Hey," I mumbled, smiling at him.

"Wait, what time is it?" he breathed out.

"Around 9:30," I told him.

He closed his eyes back together and yawned widely. "I told you not to come here..."

"You should have thought about that before you decided to be hospitalized," I said, and sat up a bit.

"Well it's not like I asked for this…" Dan smiled, exhausted.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Like shit," he muttered. He rolled onto his back and rested his arm across his forehead.

"How long have you been here?"

"Since 3 am, I guess." He took a couple of deep breaths before he continued. "I don't know. I was feeling worse and my mum called the hospital and drove me here. It was all very confusing."

"How long did your mum stay?" I leaned back on the chair and lazily crossed my arms across my chest. I was just trying to get all the information so I knew how serious the situation was.

"I don't know, maybe… Jesus, Phil. Are you investigating or something?" Dan smiled and breathed heavily.

"Just asking," I responded. "Why is that not on?" I asked, pointing to the other side of the bed.

Dan opened his eyes back up and made his gaze follow my finger. "The cardiac monitor?" he replied, looking back at me. I nodded quickly. "It's difficult to sleep next to something that keeps beeping. Like the one time you tried to finish Pokémon in one night." He giggled.

"I did it, though." I smiled to him.

"Yeah, but it was really annoying..." Dan managed to say, before he started coughing. His whole body was shaking with each cough and I could tell it was really hurting him.

"You okay?" I asked, quite nervous.

He didn't answer, just nodded his head.

"Can you help me out of this thing? I need to use the bathroom," he said, his voice hoarse from coughing.

"What thing?" I asked, confused. I looked around.

"The oxygen. Just loosen that thing on the back of my head. I kept nudging it off in my sleep. " Dan sat up a little and I pulled it off of him. "Could you maybe help me up too?"

"Of course." I walked to the other side of the bed. Dan slowly moved his feet over the edge of the mattress. I grabbed his hand without the IV and pulled him up to stand.

"I'm really dizzy… let me just stand here for a second," he whispered and held firmly onto my hand. "Can you give me that?" He pointed at the stand with the bag of saltwater on. I pushed it towards him and he grabbed a hold on it for support.

"I feel like an old man." He giggled sadly.

I didn't reply. I hated seeing him in hospital. It was like reality got too close and everything became too real. I knew he was really ill, but I couldn't accept it. I didn't see him as ill when we were together; I just saw him as Dan. He had some special needs, yes. But who doesn't?

"I'm scared to close the door..." he muttered and stopped in front of the bathroom. "Could you maybe just turn around?" he asked, taking a few deep breaths. Maybe it was just me, but he seemed a bit worse after only this 10 meter journey.

"Of course." I smiled caringly and let go of his arm.

I turned my back to him and glanced at the bare white wall in front of me.

"Just tell me when you're done," I said and leaned against the doorframe.

"Y-yeah…" He sounded breathless. I wanted to look and see if he was okay, but I didn't want to ruin his privacy.

"You can turn around," he murmured after a few minutes of silence.

I did and my gaze fell on Dan who was leaning over the sink. I stepped towards him, but he didn't look at me.

"You okay?" I asked nervously as I bent over a little, trying to look him in the eyes.

He shook his head slightly. I placed my hand on his shoulder and carefully made him turn to face me.

He breathed heavily into my face and kept shaking his head a little. His eyes were desperately locked with mine and he looked helpless. I looked concernedly at him and sighed softly before I moved my hand to his forehead. A fever was raging through his body and he was sweating a lot. Getting out of bed was probably a really bad idea.

"I-I need to be sick…" he mumbled through struggling breaths. He looked like his legs were about to give out. Quickly moving to stand behind him, I grabbed him under each arm so he wouldn't fall over.

I tried to push the stand with the bag of saltwater towards the toilet with my foot so that the hose would be able to reach before I gently got him to sit in front of the toilet. Dan was like a doll in my arms; he didn't weigh that much, so I could easily move him around.

I placed myself on my knees behind him and supported his head above the toilet. Once I made sure he was in a safe position in case he threw up, I quickly hit the red button for emergencies.

**DAN'S POV!**

"I don't feel so good, Ph-Phil…" I managed to squeak out before I felt Phil place his hand on my forehead to keep my head up.

"It's okay, Dan," he assured me while rubbing his free hand up and down my back for comfort. "Relax." He sounded nervous. I didn't like this.

"Huh…" I breathed out and spat into the toilet. My mouth kept watering up and an unpleasant rising feeling filled my throat, which made me gag. But nothing happened. I would much rather just throw up instead of feeling like I would.

"He had to use the bathroom, so I followed him out and then he told me he needed to be sick," Phil suddenly explained to someone I hadn't even noticed was there.

"Dan?" the unknown man's voice asked as he bent down to get on my level. I didn't have enough energy to answer, so I kept taking deep, heavy breaths above the toilet as Phil supported me.

"Can you pull him away from the toilet?" the doctor asked. I wanted to protest, but I couldn't. I was so sick and dizzy. It still felt like I was going to throw up so I didn't like being moved away from the toilet.

But Phil carefully pulled me away from the bowl and held me against his chest. My white hospital shirt was almost soaked through because I was sweating so much. It felt like I was about to melt into Phil.

My shirt was slowly being unbuttoned and I opened my eyes to see what was happening. My whole world was spinning violently which made me even more dizzy and nauseous than I already was.

The doctor in front of me was about to place a stethoscope on my chest. "Don't..." I mumbled and tried to move away from Phil, not with much luck.

"Stay still," Phil commanded me. But I wanted to get away. I didn't know why, but because of the fever and the building pain in my chest I couldn't think straight. My breathing started to speed up along with my heartbeat, making the tightening feeling worse.

"Do you feel pain?" the doctor asked me. "Daniel?"

I nodded weakly and desperately pressed myself further into Phil. I began shivering, which made my breath stick in my throat and I started coughing. It didn't make it easier to breathe and I became more desperate.

I felt myself being lifted up, but I didn't have enough energy to even move a muscle. Because of my blocked nose from the cold it was even harder to breathe than usual.

Without really knowing what was going on, I was being placed back on the soft mattress and someone wrapped an oxygen mask around my head, making the air a bit clearer.

I was so scared and confused. People were touching my chest and sticking things to my aching, burning skin. It felt familiar, but I still didn't like it.

Someone was talking about me, but I couldn't understand what they were saying; it just sounded like a mumble. I felt light-headed, breathless, and confused from the fever. I most of all just wanted to sleep and get away.

**PHIL'S POV!**

I walked back into the corner to get out of the way so the doctors could do their jobs. But Dan quickly fell asleep from pure fatigue.

I quietly followed everything they were doing, trying to make myself invisible. Mostly because I really didn't want to be thrown out of the room in case they noticed me.

I focused on the machine beside the bed. The steady beeping sound followed the movements of his chest. They quickly got the situation under control, but I stayed in the corner, just watching.

After another 30 minutes it seemed like everything was back to normal. Or, as normal as it would get considering the circumstances and Dan's condition.

Dan was sleeping—lying on his back on top of the white bed with an oxygen mask wrapped around his head. The sound of his heavy breaths got mixed with the beeping sound from the cardiac monitor standing right beside the bed. From what I could tell from his facial expression, he looked very uncomfortable, exhausted, and in slight pain.

The doctors walked out, leaving only a young nurse. I dared to step a little closer. Now that it was only us, it seemed okay.

"You're Phil?" she asked me with a little smile.

"Yeah, that's me." I smiled back and stepped towards Dan's bedside.

"And you're his...?"

"Friend."

"Friend," she repeated, still smiling. "Okay, I'll just check a few things then I'll leave and come back again in a few minutes."

I nodded quickly and watched her. She clicked some buttons that I knew nothing about before she gave me another friendly smile and walked out, leaving me alone with Dan.

I stepped closer to the bed and wrapped the duvet around him, being careful not to pull any of the wires that were attached to his chest. He was shivering slightly, so i figured he might be cold.

I sat down beside the bed and watched him as his chest slowly rose and fell. As time went on, it became more and more steady.

Sometimes I wished it were me lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to different machines so Dan didn't have to. I wished I could take away his pain and worries so he wouldn't have any. So he didn't have to come here every time he got a simple cold.

To him this wasn't just a simple cold. Nothing was _simple_ in his life. Everything was _something_ and sometimes it turned out to be something big and dangerous.

Because of his weak heart, he could die from this. He knew that. We all knew that.

I couldn't act like that that was an option, though, and that was why I decided to come here instead of go to school. Dan needed something not hospital-related, and I could give him that. Even though Dan said that he just wanted me to go to school and not worry about him, I knew he was thankful.

* * *

**DAN'S POV!**

"Can you come sit next to me?" I mumbled through the oxygen mask.

"I don't know, Dan. I think you should just concentrate on relaxing for a while," Phil responded, leaning towards me on his chair so he could get a proper look.

"Please..." I begged and took a few strenuous breaths. Phil always made everything better, so I wanted him here with me. "Please." I begged again and stared desperate at him.

Phil sighed deeply and rose from his chair before he sat back down on the edge of the bed and swung his feet up onto the mattress.

"I don't like sitting with you, you know. I'm afraid I'm going to pull one of those." My gaze followed his finger, which was pointing at my bare chest.

"What do you think that would happen if we did?" I asked with a little smile as I leaned back against the pillow. The bed has been lifted a little so I could sit up.

"Around 50 doctors will come rushing in," Phil said as he leaned back too. "That would be very stressful…" He smiled and turned to face me.

"Yeah…" I breathed out and moved a bit, giving Phil some more space.

"How are you feeling?" Phil asked in a whispering voice, turning fully around to lie on his side next to me.

"Better," I muttered. "Still really bad, but b-better…" I smiled shyly. My head was pounding so badly that just focusing on Phil's face was hard. My nose was blocked, so I had to wear this stupid oxygen mask instead of just hoses. My skin was burning from the fever and I was so tired. Being in hospital didn't help anything either. We were close if something happened with my heart, but I was so uncomfortable here. It made everything worse.

"You also slept for five hours."

"I did?" I asked, slightly surprised. I tried to lie on my side too without touching the wires. "What did you do all those hours?"

"Watched you? What else did you expect?"

"You could have been at school..." I muttered sadly. I felt bad for keeping him here. Of course it was his own choice, but I still felt bad.

"It's fine, Dan. Don't think about it," Phil assured me.

I nodded slowly in response.

"Did my mum call or something?" I asked quietly.

"Yes. But I told her I was here with you so she shouldn't worry." Phil smiled caringly, moving one hand to my forehead and brushing my curly hair out of my eyes.

"Yeah, okay..." I murmured. I closed my eyes into the touch and just enjoyed the feeling of him dragging his fingers through my hair.

"That's nice…" I whispered as I nuzzled into the pillow. "Please don't stop," I sleepily begged. This felt amazing. I almost forget where I was.

"I'll try not to." Even though my eyes were closed tightly together I could still hear he was smiling.

After a few minutes, Phil slowly moved his hand down to lightly rest on my cheek while his thumb was stroking across my skin. I was too relaxed and exhausted to question his actions before I felt a soft kiss being placed on my forehead. It made my breath get stuck in my throat and I stayed still as my whole body has frozen in surprise.

Being half asleep and half awake and with a high fever, this could possibly be a dream. A dream I didn't want to end, so I didn't move or even made a sound.

I didn't want it to be a dream, though. I wouldn't mind at all if this were real. I liked Phil. Of course I liked Phil. I also liked him more than I wanted to. But you can't deny feelings. I just had to look away from them. I couldn't let them take over. Phil wasn't just my friend; he was my lifesaver. It was forbidden, falling in love with your lifesaver. I was in perpetual debt towards him. And falling in love was an expensive price to pay for both of us if I was the only one feeling this way.

But maybe I wasn't…

Phil placed another kiss softly on my forehead. I kept lying still, allowing him to continue if he wanted.

I felt how he carefully grabbed around the mask and pulled it down. Before I got the chance to react, Phil gently pressed his lips against mine in a long, caring kiss.

Even through the fever, I felt my body heat up and my heartbeat rise slightly. This was definitely happening—I wasn't dreaming.

I uncertainly opened my eyes back up, one at a time, and my gaze met by Phil's icy blue eyes staring back at me.

"You'll get sick too," I muttered, not really knowing what to say.

"I just kissed you and you worry about me getting a cold?" Phil giggled shyly, making me blush.

"Yeah.. Was that stupid?" I asked, still confused from what just happened.

"No." Phil smiled widely and slowly lifted the mask back to cover my mouth and nose. "Just, strange..."

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked, taking a few deep breaths now that the air was clear again.

"Why didn't you protest?" he asked back.

"I liked it," I muttered. I shyly moved my glance away from him to avoid eye contact.

"Well I liked it too," Phil whispered back and lifted up my chin to force me to look at him. "And I kind of like you too…"

"Of course you like me. You're around me all the time. If you didn't, I guess this would be quite annoying…" I smiled nervously. Of course I liked him too, but I was too shy to say it directly to his face. But I guessed Phil already had figured that out.

"You're still annoying, though. That part doesn't change." Phil smiled back and gently ran his fingers across my cheek.

"So funny," I joked as I nudged his shoulder, making Phil giggle quietly.

We stayed in silence for a while; I didn't know how to react to this.

"Does this change things?" I asked, looking away from him.

"Do you want this to change things?"

"I don't know…" This was very confusing and scary. Phil was my friend. He would always be my friend, no matter what happened, but this would definitely change some things.

"I won't let anything change if you won't, Dan," Phil assured me.

"But I don't know..." I muttered and pulled the mask down. It was distracting my thoughts.

Phil lifted my head back up and locked his gaze with mine. "You don't have to know either. Let's just let things happen, slowly. Okay? You don't have to think about anything else besides feeling better at the moment. That's all you have to worry about right now. Nothing else."

"Yeah…" I nodded slowly in his hand.

"Promise me that?" He lowered his head a bit, making him look even more determinedly.

"Promise." I smiled shyly.

* * *

**PHIL'S POV!**

"I'll follow him, don't worry," I hurriedly told Dan's mother as we stepped out of the room in which we'd just had a conversation with one of Dan's doctors about his condition.

"Thank you." She smiled sadly to me. "I think you'll do better with him anyway."

I nodded quickly and started running down the corridor. Dan hadn't got that far so it was easy to catch up.

"Dan, stop," I said as I grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop moving.

"Let go, p-please," he sobbed, pulling his arm back. "I don't want t-to t-talk."

"We won't talk then," I breathed. "We won't do anything."

Dan started shaking his head as he began walking backwards, stepping away from me. He tried desperately not to cry, but was slowly failing. I let out a deep breath and started following him, keeping a small distance because I wanted this to be in his own pace.

Dan stepped further away until his back hit the wall at the end of the corridor. He let himself slide down the wall and sat on the floor. I followed his lead and sat down in front of him, blocking the view from whoever was walking by behind us.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, hid his head behind them, and started crying properly into them.

I stayed still, just watching him.

"I'm dying, Phil," he quietly sobbed, his head still bowed.

"We're all dying, Dan…" I tried, and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"I-I'm just dying f-faster..."

"No you're not." But I knew my responses didn't have a chance in this kind of conversation. The only thing I could do was try to get his mind somewhere else.

"I am. You heard the d-doctor."

"I heard him. But no one said anything about dying." I pulled my hand back and sighed softly, letting him do things his way.

Dan lifted his head and glanced back at me with his red, puffy eyes. "They can't close it. They can't close it, Phil. Do you know what that means?" he cried while the tears flowed down his cheeks.

"Yes..." I whispered. After ten days in hospital because of his cold, the doctors decided to run Dan through a couple of tests and different scans to see if there were any changes. If it was possible to close the hole he has in his heart, they would have done it, but it was too risky.

Dan rested his head back down on his knees and started shaking a little while he kept on crying. I crawled over the floor, sat down close beside him, and wrapped on arm around his shoulders, trying to comfort him.

He didn't move so I guessed it was okay. I placed my head down on his on shoulder and held him close around his side.

"Nothing will happen," I whispered.

"H-how can you know that?" he cried without looking at me.

"I don't know. I just have a positive feeling that everything is going to be okay." The truth is that I was terrified and I feared for the future. But I couldn't let Dan know that. We couldn't both be feeling this way. This wasn't good news. It was not particularly bad news either. Considering the circumstances, Dan was still strong: his heart was still beating, everything was fine. Nothing had changed for the worse, but neither had anything changed for the better. His heart would get weaker as years passed by and that was what scared him. And me too.

"Give me your hand." I said, pulling my arm off of him.

He lifted his head from his knees and stared questioningly at me, but stretched out his arm. I turned around beside him, making it possible for me to get a full look of him. I grabbed his wrist and forced his legs down. He sniffed, surprised, but didn't protest.

"Feel this." I gently guided his hand to his chest, placing it right over his heart, and pressed his hand down. "Can you feel that?" I asked him.

He nodded slowly and dried his eyes with his free hand.

"Good." I smiled. "Now feel this." I pulled his hand away and pressed it against my own chest. "Feel that too?"

"Y-yes," he sniffed.

"Can you feel any difference from your heartbeat to mine?" I asked. I tangled his fingers with mine as I moved his hand away.

"No," he answered and shook his head.

"Look..." I reached my hand into my pocket and took out my iPhone, turned on the front camera, and looked into it. "Who has a heart condition?" I asked and nuzzled close enough so we both would fit on the screen, my head leaning against his,

"Me," Dan muttered.

"And how do you know?" I stared into his eyes through the camera.

"Well… I just know."

"If you didn't 'just know' then who would you say had one?"

He sighed deeply. "I don't know," he mumbled. My point was slowly sinking in.

"Exactly. What is happening in there—" I pointed back on his chest. "—has nothing to do with what is happening out here or in that," I assured him, and gently poking his forehead to show him what I was talking about.

"If no one knew, then how could they tell? If we live like nothing is wrong I'm sure it will help with the mental image. It's about how you see yourself, Dan. If you constantly see yourself as ill, nothing is going to help… and I know you're ill..." I stopped to take a deep breath. I hated talking about it. "It's not like I just forget about everything. It's just… Why think about it all the time when there are so many other amazing things that matter?" I stopped to make sure he could follow my explanation

"Your heart just has a hard time sometimes, Dan. But that doesn't mean you're dying," I whispered as I locked my gaze with his. "I don't think we can get rid of you that easily." I smiled widely and squeezed his hand.

"Maybe n-not…" he sobbed, forcing himself to smile.

"But you're allowed to leave this horrible place now. So how about we go out and find ourselves some hot chocolate and something to eat?" I asked and got ready to stand up.

"That sounds g-good."

"Great." I smiled and stood up from the floor before stretching out my hands, asking for him to grab them so I could help him up.

"No more crying, okay?" I whispered as I wiped the last tears away from his cheek with my thumb.

"Okay." He took a few deep breaths and nodded against my hand.

"Everything is going to be fine."

Dan nodded again before he lazily wrapped his arms around my body. He rested his chin down on my shoulder and held me close. I placed both my hands on his back and slowly rubbed them up and down for comfort.

"Thank you, Phil," he whispered and gave me a quick squeeze.

"No problem."

* * *

**A/N:** Well...


	5. Chapter 5

**I'll heal the hole in your heart **chapter 5

**Summary about chapter 5:** (They're 17-18 years old) Dan can't sleep so Phil stays up and talks to him.

**Words: **2.175

* * *

**PHIL'S POV!**

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing..."

"How can you think of nothing?" I giggled quietly, slightly nervous and worried, just trying to lift the tense mood.

"That's easy," Dan answered simply, leaning his head back against the wall. I kept staring at him from the other end of the bed.

It was three in the morning on a Friday night and we were sitting on each end of his bed, both in our pyjamas. Dan was having one of those nights where sleep was the last thing on his mind, so we had been sitting there for a few hours, just doing nothing.

"Are you scared?" I asked, my voice low.

"No..." he replied weakly, without looking at me.

I watched him as he pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his forehead down on his knees instead. I knew he was uncomfortable. I knew him well enough to tell that even without talking to him.

"What is it, Dan?" I asked. I leaned forward on the bed, making it possible for me to lazily run my fingers through his hair.

But he didn't answer, just stayed curled up in a human ball opposite of me. I sighed softly and stopped my movements to give him some space and time, if that was what he needed. The poor lighting from his nightstand made shadows fall over Dan's body and mixed them with the darkness around us, making everything look quite frightening.

"I _am_ scared," he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. He was crying. My heart dropped and I felt the familiar empty feeling filling my stomach, like it always did whenever he felt bad.

"Of what?" I asked quietly, still staying a few feet away from him.

"I don't know, Phil," he mumbled into his knees. "Everything is just so… scary and c-confusing."

"Like what?" I needed to get him to talk so I'd know which way I would be able to make it better.

"You."

"Me?" But I knew what he was talking about. He was referring to the kiss. We hadn't really talked about it before now. He'd had to stay at the hospital for another ten days, so there wasn't enough space in his head to have thoughts about me or the kiss. And then we got the news from his doctor. That didn't help with anything, so I understood why Dan was feeling this way.

I began to question if it was such a good idea exposing my feelings after all. But I couldn't resist the temptation. Him lying there on the white bed beside me, nearly asleep, with his hair falling perfectly over his eyes… Everything about that moment was perfect to me. If he hadn't been in hospital, it would have been even more perfect.

"Are you questioning anything?" I asked and moved a little closer. "You know what I mean..."

"N-no I'm not," he sobbed. "I know what I want."

"Then why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad, Phil. Just… f-frustrated."

I sighed quietly and crawled across the mattress to sit on my knees right in front of him. Being as gentle as I possibly could, I lifted his head from his knees.

"Don't cry," I whispered, and wiped a few tears away from his cheek with my sleeve. I hated seeing him cry. I felt guilty, even though it wasn't my fault. My job was to make him feel better, not this.

"I'm sorry," he sniffed, quickly moving his head away from me to wipe the rest of the tears away with the back of his hand.

"Don't be sorry." I smiled and grabbed a hold of his wrist, making him stop his movements so that he could look at me. "It's okay to be sad," I assured him. "Nothing to feel bad about."

He nodded slowly in response and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.

"Nothing has changed, Dan. I promise you. I don't look at you different in any way. You're still my best and only friend and we can just let it stay like that."

"No," Dan sniffed. "It's not how I w-want i-it. I'm just scared you're gonna leave m-me…"

"Why should I leave you?" I asked, surprised. He didn't answer right away, just stayed sitting against the wall, looking at me in silence.

"Why don't you treat me like I'm ill, Phil?" Dan asked back without answering my question. He looked into my eyes, suddenly more serious.

"Why should I?" I sat down properly, tilted my head slightly to the side, and wrinkled my forehead at him.

"Everyone else always does. But you never do. Not even the first time we met."

"I don't see you as ill," I answered simply while shaking my head a little.

"Then how do you see m-me?" he asked, nervously sniffing a couple of times.

I took a deep breath and carefully looked him over. I saw the same Dan as I always saw. Amazingly deep brown eyes, matching his dark brown hair. His marked cheekbones and jaw line. His perfect white skin, matching mine…

"I see a beautiful boy sitting in front of me," I started with a smile. "I see a person who is scared about the future, but who doesn't let anything come between him and life's struggles even though things can get hard. I see a strong person, who I care about very much and I've agreed to not let anything bad happen to him no matter what..." I paused quickly and locked my eyes with his red, puffy ones. "I see someone who is fighting a lot, but chooses his battles carefully. I see a winner. I see someone who doesn't just give up if things get difficult. A person who puts others first, even though he shouldn't." I smiled. "I see a person with a lovely personality and whose way to make others smile is incredible. I see an amazing actor who has a long and wonderful life in front of him with a lot of opportunities. "

Dan's face lit up a little in the dark room and a grateful smile spread across his face as he blinked at me.

"What do you see when I'm in hospital?" he muttered.

"The same as I just told you. It doesn't matter where you are, Dan. I'll always see the same things," I assured him. "Always.."

He nodded slowly.

"What do you see?" I asked him after a few minutes of silence.

He turned a light shade of red as he looked down and nervously started playing with the end of his shirt.

"I see a warrior…" he began quietly. "Who has given up on a lot of things through the past years so he could sit here tonight. I see a person who I would jump in front of a car for. A person I owe everything. Someone I can trust and rely on, someone I'm comfortable around…" He slowly lifted his head and glanced on me, his eyes slightly more glassy than before. "A person who makes me forget about the hard times, but makes me remember the good." He paused and breathed heavily.

"A person I can see a future with without questioning or doubting anything…" he continued. I felt how my heartbeat rose and my body started to heat up. A lump was forming in my throat, which made it hard to keep my breathing steady.

"Someone who makes me feel safe..." I watched as a few lonely tears ran down his cheek. "And loved. And normal..."

It became harder to understand him as he kept talking. I stayed silent, just listening to what he had to say and trying my best to not give in to the indescribable urge to blink, as I was sure a few tears would leave my eyes too.

"You protect me and I can't thank you enough. I don't even know how to thank you…" He smiled and allowed the tears to fall.

"You don't have to thank me, Dan," I whispered, doing my best to control my voice.

"I do. I really do." He nodded while he said it and untangled his legs from his arms.

"No, you don't..." I tried, my voice low and husky.

"I'll give you a-anything," he sobbed and stretched out his legs.

"Well, you can give me that duvet. I'm quite tired." I smiled and tried my best to get him away from this subject. I didn't like talking about this anymore. He didn't owe me anything—his friendship was enough. More than enough.

Dan let out a laugh and dried his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie. "Yeah, sleep would be good," he sniffed as he glanced at me, the same thankful way as he always did.

I move around on the bed and got ready to leave it just before Dan grabbed my wrist.

"Can you stay up here?" he asked nervously, with an unsteady voice. "Please."

"Of course," I replied immediately, crawling across the bed. We both lay down and I threw the duvet around us.

"How do you do it?" Dan asked. He turned around on the pillow so we were facing each other.

"Do what?"

"This whole, talking thing?" he sniffed and slowly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I don't know. It's just... well, I don't know." I smiled and moved my hand to Dan's cheek, stroking my fingers across the damp skin.

"I like your talking. It helps…" he mumbled while looking at me.

"I'm glad." I let my fingers travel to his hair and ran them through it, lazily playing with his brown locks.

Dan breathed heavily into my face and leaned closer. I knew what he was trying to do and I didn't have any intention of stopping him, so I closed my eyes right before I felt Dan's soft lips being carefully placed on mine. I could feel how his whole body was tense and unsure, but he soon relaxed into the kiss.

Dan softly bit into my lower lip, asking for permission. I parted my lips and let his tongue slip inside, making our tongues and lips dance together. This was all I had ever dreamt about and I couldn't believe this was Dan's first _real_ kiss—he was incredible. I was sure my heart skipped a beat, making me feel light-headed. Everything about this felt right.

I slipped my hand underneath our duvet and around him to touch his back, making it possible for me to pull him a little closer to my body.

My fingers were tangled in his hair and our lips moved in sync. I couldn't help but smile a little into the kiss. This was actually happening and it was perfect. Dan was lying right here beside me, kissing me. I couldn't speak for him, but it was like all the worries got washed away and it was only us—no one else. I wouldn't mind staying here forever.

Dan pulled back for air and I opened my eyes back up.

"How do I tell my parents this?" he asked, with slight fear in his voice.

"The same way as you would tell them that the sun rises in the morning. This isn't in any way different from that, okay?" I assured him, lowering my voice to make my point clear. This wasn't something that should scare him or make him uncomfortable. This should make him feel good like it made me feel good. Nothing should scare him.

"Being gay is perfectly fine, Dan." I smiled caringly towards him.

"Yes." He smiled back and took a deep breath.

I pulled my arm back from around him and stayed staring into his eyes.

"And now I think we should get some sleep or else I'll be crying blood tomorrow," I joked as I nuzzled into the small bed.

Dan moved around beside me, making it so that he was almost lying on top of me.

"Hope you don't mind," he whispered into my shirt.

"I don't," I whispered back. Making sure the duvet was covering us both, I wrapped my arms around him the best I could and nuzzled him even closer.

"What does this make us?" Dan mumbled into my chest.

"What do you want this to make us?" I responded sleepily while my hand automatically moved up and down on his back, trying to make him relax.

"I don't know," he sighed.

"We don't have to be boyfriends just because we kissed, Dan. Let's just let things happen. No need to rush anything. I'm still your best friend," I assured him.

"Yeah.."

"Do you want to tell your parents?" I asked in a low voice.

"Can we wait with that? Only for a while? I want this to be just us.." Dan replied. I could hear he was slowly drifting off.

"That's fine. Just us sounds pretty okay to me." I answered and smiled to myself.

"P-perfect.." Dan yawned and squeezed my upper body.

"Goodnight."

* * *

**A/N: **I'm in the middle of a mental breakdown. I am slowly writing on chapter 6, but it might take a good week to get it done.


	6. Chapter 6

******I'll heal the hole in your heart **chapter 6

**Summary about chapter 6:** (They're 17-18 years old) Phil has something important to tell Dan and he's scared about how it will change the future.

**A/N:** This is kind of a 'fill-out-because-bigger-things-is-about-to-happen' chapter.

**Words: **4.812

* * *

**DAN'S POV!**

"There's something I have to talk to you about, Dan," Phil said, his voice suddenly more serious.

"What?" I asked nervously, opening my eyes back up. The sun was shining brightly, obscuring my vision slightly.

Phil only sighed in response and sat up beside me. I also sat up from the ground and looked questioningly at him, my nervousness increasing by the second due to his tone.

"I have to move," he breathed out.

"You what?" I asked, not sure if I even heard what he'd said.

"I have to move. After Sixth Form is over. And after your 18th birthday, of course," Phil whispered apologetically.

"But..." It felt like my whole world was grinding to a halt. Every noise sounded surreal, and suddenly Phil seemed very far away.

"Remember why I moved here all those years ago?"

"Your dad got a new job…" I breathed out desperately.

"Yeah. But now he has to go back, so we're moving again," Phil whispered carefully. I could tell he was attempting to calm me down, but it wasn't working. I'd already started panicking as thoughts flew around inside my head. He couldn't move away; he just couldn't.

"No!" I found myself crying out, rushing to stand.

"Dan. Please sit back down," Phil tired.

I didn't listen, just violently shook my head and started walking backwards. My heart rate rose slightly as I felt panic fill my body.

"Dan. Sit down," Phil repeated in a calm voice.

I stepped further away from him. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to run away—just run until my heart would give up. Phil couldn't move—what would I do then?

Tears filled my eyes and blurred my vision slightly as I kept backing away from him.

Phil sighed deeply before he also rose from the ground. "Calm down, Dan," he whispered as he followed me across the grass.

My heart rate increased along with my breathing as panic started shaking my body. "You can't," I cried quietly, continuing to move away. "W-what about m-me?" I sobbed desperately. My breath caught in my throat as I did my best not to cry.

Phil quickly grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop moving. His touch usually calmed me down, but this time _he_ was the reason I was reacting like this. Now it just felt uncomfortable.

"I've been thinking about something. But I don't think I'm ready to carry that responsibility," Phil said in a low voice. "And I don't think you're ready…" He sighed.

"What? W-what have you thought about?" I sobbed. I tried to pull my arm back from his grip, but failed.

"I'm going to live by myself up in Manchester because I got a job in the city. You could come with me, but—"

"Yes," I hurriedly interrupted.

"Dan." Phil lowered his head and stared deeply into my eyes. "Your condition and—"

"What about it?" I quickly dried my eyes with the back of my free hand. "What about my c-condition?" I said determinedly.

"It's just—"

"You've always taught me to believe in myself, Phil. Illness or not. Nothing should come in my way. I can do what I w-want. I wanna move in with you."

"Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about, Dan. I'm talking about… me." He paused. "I would be the one looking after you all the time—making sure you get to the hospital, making sure you take your mediation… everything. I just don't know if I'm ready. If you're ready. You'd have to move far away from your family. You're going to be at a new hospital with new doctors," Phil explained, still holding my arm so I couldn't move away.

"Manchester has a better heart department. I've been there, it'll be f-fine," I tried. I was 18; I could look after myself. Phil didn't have to. I just couldn't live without him.

He sighed. "Let's be realistic here…"

"It is realistic, Phil! I wanna go with you. Please," I begged.

"Dan…"

"I can get a job too. It'll be fine. I—"

"I'm scared, okay?!" Phil burst out. He let go of my arm and swung his in the air, frustrated. "I'm scared I can't do a good enough job! I'm scared something is going to happen to you and when I'm not there! I'm scared I can't take care of you! I just don't know if I'm ready…" He whispered the last few words. "And it's killing me, Dan. I can't leave you—you're my best friend. I'm just—" He locked his gaze with mine, "—scared."

"Well I'm not. For the first time in my life, I'm not scared, Phil. But I won't be your burden, so I understand," I said in the calmest voice I could muster. "But if you leave, I will be scared. I'll be terrified all the time. You've done so many good things for me. You've made me see the world in a whole new, _bright_ way. Things I've only ever dreamt about came true when you stepped into my life. Trusting you doesn't scare _me_."

"Let me think about it, okay?" he mumbled. "I'll think about it. It's just a big responsibility..."

I nodded in response. I knew it was. And it wasn't fair, forcing him to take me with him. But the thought of him not being there when I needed him was killing me.

"I'm not even sure your mum will let you leave." Phil smiled calmly and took a step closer. "But I have to admit that waking up to your pretty face everyday sounds tempting." He smirked and gently wiped the last tear off my cheek, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

I sniffed shyly, blushing. "You're already looking at my pretty face everyday."

"Not in the morning—" Phil stepped as close as possible and rested his forehead on mine, "—when your hair's all curly."

"You like the curls?" I sniffed, smiling.

Phil sighed, and I felt his arms wrap around me as we stood close together in the middle of the park, the sun heating up our bodies. "I like everything about you…"

* * *

**PHIL'S POV!**

I was walking through town by myself, on my way to meet Dan's mum. We had planned to meet up without Dan knowing. I wanted to talk to her about this whole situation.

I could easily see a future with Dan. It didn't even have to be in a relationship; our friendship was so unique and I felt so bad for just leaving. But I also wanted to be close to my family, so I was torn between the two most important things in my life.

Taking Dan with me so we could live together would both be a dream and a nightmare come true. I would get the chance to be around the person I valued above anything else, but at the same time, his condition would be showing every day. I had always tried to push it away—not thinking about it that much and just focus on the good things in our lives.

But now _I_ would be the one who had to take him to his appointments at the hospital. _I _would be the one who had to stay up with him whenever he had a bad night. _I_ would have to stay home with him if something wasn't right.

I would have to do everything and I just didn't know if I was ready. I would have another job to do too, not just looking after Dan.

"Hey." I smiled to Mrs. Howell when I entered her office.

"Hey, Phil. Take a seat, please," she offered, and pointed at a chair opposite her desk.

I nodded thankfully as I sat down. "I don't know if Dan told you," I started, "but I'm moving back to Manchester." I sighed and looked sadly at her.

"No, he hasn't. I'm sorry to hear that, Phil. How come?" she asked nervously. I knew I was like a third son to her, and like a seventh doctor to Dan. Moving away would not just be a loss to Dan, but to his whole family.

"My family is moving back. And I've just got a perfect job and apartment there…" I mumbled. "But what I'm here to talk about is Dan."

"What about him?" she asked, leaning a little over her desk.

"He wants to go with me..." I breathed out and gazed down on my hands. "He wants to come live with me in Manchester. It's just—"

"He what?" Mrs. Howell interrupted, surprised.

I looked back up at her. "He wants to travel with me. And I don't know how to tell him that he can't…" I paused.

"What do you want to do?" she asked.

"I want him to come with me, I really do. But, you know, his heart... I don't know if I can handle everything. I don't know if he can handle everything..."

"If anyone can look after him properly, it's you, Phil. I trust you more than I trust the doctors. You almost know more about him and his condition than I do." She smiled caringly. "But it is a big decision."

"Yes it is," I whispered.

"You're only 18 years old. May I ask why you're going to live by yourself?"

"My parents are going to live a little outside of Manchester and I'm going to work in the city, so I found a cheap apartment that I can easily afford," I explained.

"Are you going to start University?" she asked calmly.

"Maybe next year. I'll just wait and see how things play out." I smiled.

"Okay," she breathed out, leaning back in the chair. "Okay. You see, I never thought Dan would be able to have anything this close to a normal life. His father and I have always tried, but it was only after you two met that things really started coming together. He'd never had any friends really, because he couldn't do anything. But you just… deal with it." She smiled. "You took him places when we couldn't and I felt one hundred percent comfortable sending him anywhere with you. I still do. You've brought so many good things into his life."

I nodded along with her explanation, blushing slightly.

"So maybe this isn't such a bad idea."

I froze in my chair, not really sure I'd heard right. "What?"

"I really don't believe he's ready to move out yet, no. But when will he be? His condition isn't just something that will disappear. I want him to move out of the house eventually, of course I do. So that he can try to have a normal life and be independent. He could get a wonderful start with you, I'm not doubting that for one second, Phil."

"Yeah…" I nodded. I was a little shocked. I thought she would reject it right away.

"But it's all up to you. Because, like you said yourself, he's going to be your responsibility."

"Yeah, I know…" I took a deep breath.

"I won't pressure you at all. If you don't want to, it's totally okay, really. I'll talk to him and explain it." She smiled.

"I'll think about it. I want to get my exams out of the way first, but I'll definitely think about it," I assured her, nodding eagerly.

"Take as long as you like."

I walked out of there with mixed feelings. Dan and I could move in together—be living together—but I was so nervous. It wasn't just living with Dan. He'd have to move far away from his parents and I would have to stand in as his parent and take full responsibility for him.

I was allowed to say no of course. This was all up to me now.

* * *

"I'm ready to tell them," Dan mumbled as he buttoned his shirt.

"You sure?" I asked a little nervously, not really sure what he was talking about, although I had an idea.

"Positive. If you're going to move, I want to tell them."

"You don't have to." I rose from his bed and stepped towards him.

"It's been almost five mouths. I'm sure." He turned around to face me.

"Dan…"

"On my birthday. That's when I'll tell them."

I sighed softly and stepped closed the distance between us. "If you say so." I smiled, resting my forehead on his. I hadn't told him that his mum had agreed to let him move in with me because I still wasn't sure about it.

Together with all of the exams the past month, I'd had enough on my mind. Dan had too, because he had to skip a few classes to go visit the hospital, so we hadn't talked about it since we were in the park and I told him I was moving.

"I can't believe my mum's letting me go to this party," Dan whispered nervously at me.

I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly. "That's because I'm there to look after you," I whispered back.

"So this is going to be my first party ever, and my last party ever?" he joked with a smirk. But I could see he was hurt. If I was going to move away from him, he couldn't go anywhere.

"Maybe." I smiled before I gently pressed my lips against his. "Maybe not."

"You know what will happen when you aren't around, Phil. I'm going to stay in my room until I die, just waiting for you to come back..." he murmured as he moved his gaze to our feet on the floor.

"How about we don't talk about this tonight and just have a good time? We just finished school, Dan! You even got better grades than me, so how can you stand here being sad?" I said cheerily as I released him.

"Yeah, that was kind of a miracle." He smiled shyly at the floor.

"So no more of this, okay?" I tried. I knew exactly what would happen if I wasn't around anymore, and that was one of the main reasons why I really wanted him to come with me. He would get a chance to have something close to a real life with me and I wanted it so badly for him. I just had to be a hundred percent sure so I wouldn't disappoint him in case I changed my mind.

"No..." He lifted up his head and looked at me. "I'll try not to think about it."

I smiled. "Great."

We were interrupted by a low knock on the door and we both turned around.

"Ready boys?" Dan's mum asked us both, glancing from me to Dan.

"Yes." I smiled to her.

"Okay, I'll wait downstairs." She turned around to walk back out, leaving me and Dan alone again.

"How do I look?" he asked as he stepped in front of me. "And be honest."

"Beautiful." I assured, looking him over one more time.

"Sure? Should I wear the other shirt instead?" Dan asked.

"No. This one is just perfect."

"Final answer?" he asked again.

"Yes!" I groaned, but it was with a smile. "You're absolutely perfect like this," I told him, making him blush slightly.

* * *

"I'm nervous…"

"Nervous about what?"

"I don't know. It's just… I never thought I would make it this far," Dan muttered, moving his gaze to the ground.

"What do you mean?" I asked, a little confused. I lifted his head up so he could look at me.

"Like, finish school. I didn't believe I would make it..." he whispered into my hand.

I let go of him and sighed sadly. "But you did, Dan. Nothing to be nervous about." I smiled caringly. "Let's go in?" I said, but made it sound like a question. We wouldn't if Dan didn't want to.

"Just don't leave me," he whispered nervously. He didn't have many friends, so going to a party with a lot of people was not something he was totally comfortable with.

"I promise." I smiled and stretched out my hand, inviting him to grab it so we could go in together.

Once we were inside, I asked into his ear, "What do you want to drink?"

"My mum said no drinking?" he answered, confused.

"I know!" I grinned. "What kind of soda do you want?"

"Oh. Coke?"

"Sure." I took one of the cans from the table and filled a glass. "If someone asks, just say it's rum and coke. Then no one will pressure you to drink anything or ask why you aren't, okay?" I said as I handed it to him. I knew people, and they wouldn't take no as an answer if they were drunk themselves. They wouldn't understand and then Dan would have to explain his situation. Of course they knew he had a heart condition, but I knew he didn't like talking about it, so I made sure he didn't have to when it could be avoided.

He nodded eagerly and mouthed a 'thank you'. I gave his upper arm a quick squeeze and pointed in the other direction towards a table where some of our classmates were sitting.

**DAN'S POV!**

We sat down around the table. I tried my best to keep as small as possible, not wanting to get too into the conversation. I wasn't used to socializing. I didn't know anyone besides Phil and the people at the theater I worked at every now and then.

Even though I wasn't really talking, I was still enjoying myself. It was actually good being out for once. I had never been to a party before, so it was all new and interesting to me.

Me and Phil were a little late, so a few people were already kind of drunk. It was fun to watch. I knew Phil had been to parties without me before and gotten drunk; he had told me about it.

I wouldn't mind him getting drunk tonight. I'd like to see that actually—maybe it would be fun. But he had promised my mum that he wouldn't so that he could look after me. I was glad he'd agreed of course, so I could come, but also a little sad on his behalf. It was the last party of the year and after this everyone would have to spilt up and start working or start at new, far away universities. He should be enjoying himself, not babysitting me.

"You okay?" Phil asked me over the music.

"Yeah," I assured him, nodding. "Everything is fine." I smiled widely.

"Great," Phil whispered happily before turning back to the conversation. I stayed silent, just listening.

I would lie if I said I didn't want to try drinking. Not that it was something I really needed, but I still wanted to try. At least just taste something like a normal person. I felt kind of like a child, even though I knew there was no reason to. I knew I didn't _have to_ drink to be a part of the party. But when you're almost 18 and you're not drinking, you feel a little left out.

"Need another?" the guy next to me suddenly asked, pushing me out of my trance.

"Ehh, yes?" I rushed, without really thinking. I was so shocked by the sudden voice that 'yes' was the only answer on my mind. I regretted my choice of words immediately when I realised he wouldn't be bringing me another soda.

"I'm getting a new one myself, so I can bring you one too." He smiled, and before I got the chance to protest, he was gone.

I sighed softly, for only myself to hear. Now I had to drink whatever he brought back or else it would be rude.

"What's your name?" the guy asked me as he sat down, handing me the drink.

"Dan." I gave him a friendly smile and took the cup from him.

"Sam." The boy smiled back and stretched out his hand. I gently shook it while taking a small sip of the drink he just brought me. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, so I took another sip.

"Nice to meet you, Dan."

"You too." I smiled widely. I was at a party, talking to people. People besides Phil. I hadn't tried anything like that before and it felt quite nice.

"I really shouldn't." I smiled politely and pushed the cup across the table. Me and Sam had been talking for a few hours and Phil had moved to sit on the other side of the table so he could talk to some of the others.

"Come on. It's not that strong." He smiled and pushed the cup back in front of me. If Phil found out about this he would kill me. Or my mum would kill him. Phil hadn't paid attention to me for the past hour besides exchanging smiles every now and then.

Sam was really nice and we were having a great time just talking and laughing, but I was so bad at saying no. He had been giving me drinks every time I finished one and my world was starting to spin around. It was a whole new feeling to me, and then again, it wasn't. Being dizzy was not new to me at all.

"Yeah, but I really shouldn't," I tried.

But his pouting made me give in. I didn't want to be the weird one anymore; I took up the glass and quickly downed the liquid.

This wouldn't be good for anything. I could feel my heart rate raising as the alcohol flowed through my bloodstream.

"I'm just going to use the toilet," I told Sam, and slowly rose to standing. I unsteadily grabbed a hold of the chair for support and started walking out.

My elevated heart rate was making me feel really nauseous and light-headed. The whole journey towards the toilet was a blur.

I stepped into the toilet and quickly locked the door behind me. I let myself slide down the inside of the door to rest against it and closed my eyes, trying my best to get my body under control. Staying completely still helped a little with the tightening feeling in my chest.

"Has anyone seen Dan? You know, the brown-haired boy I came with?" I heard Phil ask some of the people outside the door.

"I think he's inside there, throwing up or something. It's been a while," someone answered him. I stayed still. My heartbeat was finally under control, leaving me breathless and tired, sitting against the door, not daring to move too much.

"He's what?" I head Phil cry.

"I don't know. I saw him walk in and he didn't come out again."

"Dan?" Phil asked while knocking firmly on the door. "If you're in there, open up. And now, please."

I really didn't have the energy to move, but I had to or else he would probably kick the door down and I was sitting right behind it.

I stretched my arm up and turn the key around. Phil started pushing the door in, but my whole weight was leaning against it.

"Dan?" he asked, concerned, and pushed the door harder, making me slide across the floor. "What are you doing?"

I wanted to answer him, but the sudden movements had made the contents in my stomach turn around and a rising feeling filled my throat. That combined with the pounding in my chest made me really not feel well.

I quickly moved over the floor to sit in front of the toilet. I heard the door being slammed hard behind me before I felt Phil's warm hand on my forehead, supporting me above the bowl.

"What have you been doing?" Phil muttered in a low tone as he sat down on his knees behind me.

But before I got the chance to answer him, I got violently sick into the toilet. I pulled a face because of the taste and smell. This was disgusting and I felt sorry for Phil, who had to watch.

"Wait... Have you been drinking?" he asked, his tone a mix of surprised and worried.

I nodded unsteadily against his hand and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm my breathing. No chance I could hide it now.

He stuck two fingers to the side of my neck and pressed down to feel my pulse.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, nudging me a bit to get my attention. "I don't like this. I'm going to call your parents, Dan. I—"

"Please don't," I interrupted. "I'll be fine," I slurred and spat into the bowl again. Phil sighed deeply, untangled some paper from the toilet roll on the wall, and wiped my mouth clean before made me sit against the wall so he could get a proper look at me.

"I'm not even that drunk..." I assured him, trying to focus on his face through my blurred vision. "It just started beating so fast and it got really uncomfortable. And made me feel sick." I closed my eyes tightly together, not wanting to see Phil's reaction.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Phil exclaimed.

"Please don't be mad..." I begged, still not looking at him.

"I'm not, I'm just…" he paused. "Nervous."

"I just wanted to try, Phil. And you weren't looking, so…" This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't even allowed to drink. I let myself get carried away by the circumstances. But I guess it was fun as long as it lasted.

"Just how stupid are you?" Phil breathed out heavily and nudged my knee to get me to open my eyes. "Huh?"

My eyes met his concerned, slightly angry gaze. "I'm sorry…" I breathed out.

"Well, that's too late now, isn't it?"

I nodded slowly and rested my forehead down on my knees. "Yes," I mumbled.

We both sat there silently for a few minutes. "Let's go outside," Phil said quietly once we'd both calmed down a bit.

I lifted my head and nodded at him, trying to give him an innocent look to make sure he knew I was sorry. Even though I was supposed to be his responsibility while we were out, it was entirely my own fault.

"Let me help you up." Phil stretched out his hands, inviting me to grab them. I did, and he carefully lifted me off of the floor. "Drink some water," he advised.

"Can you walk yourself?" Phil asked once we were about to leave the toilet.

"Yeah," I assured him as I unlocked the door. "It'll be fine."

We started walked through the crowd to get outside. I kept my head bowed, not wanting to look at anyone. Phil was keeping a hand on my shoulder so we wouldn't get separated.

"Where are you going?" Phil asked from behind me. I just kept walking. A lot of people were standing outside the building and I didn't want any questions, so I kept moving. "Dan?"

Phil gave up on getting an answer and just followed me.

"I'll just lay here," I mumbled. I slumped onto the grass behind the building in which the party was being held.

"You'll just lay there?" he asked, confused. He looked down at me.

"Yeah. Here is fine." I closed my eyes and leaned back on the ground. I was exhausted and wanted some peace from everything.

"Dan..."

"Phil." I opened one eye and glanced up on him. I didn't know if he could see, as it was quite dark. "What?"

"How drunk are you?"

"Not enough," I muttered. Stretching my arms out on the grass, I buried my fingers in the cold straws.

I heard Phil lay down beside me. He grabbed my right hand and tangled his fingers with mine, making me smile widely through the dark.

"Please don't tell my parents," I whispered shyly.

"Are you sure you're okay? No pain or anything?" he asked in a serious tone.

"No. Just a little dizzy and nauseous. And tired."

"I won't then. But only if you promise me it's the last time, Dan. I got so worried when you were missing. If you were feeling bad, you should have told me. Even though you'd been drinking without permission. You can't just walk off like that."

"No. I'm sorry." I opened my eyes back up and stared into the sky above us. All the stars were out.

"But I won't tell. Because maybe your mum will withdraw her permission."

"Her permission for what?" I asked, confused, not having a clue about what he was referring to. I turned my head slightly to look at him through the dark. I could only just see the outline of his face.

"You're coming with me to Manchester."

* * *

**A/N:** Haven't started on chapter 7 yet. Only in my head, but hey that counts too!

**Follow for more Phanfiction!(^_^)**


	7. Chapter 7

******I'll heal the hole in your heart **chapter 7

**Summary about chapter 7:** (They're 18 years old) Dan and Phil are finally moving to Manchester. But it's not the start they were hoping for.

**A/N:** This is beautiful.

**Words: **4.127

* * *

**Dan »**

"I'm gay," I breathed out without warning.

The sudden information made my dad drop his knife onto the table and my brother's jaw hang open in surprise. My heart rate increased slightly. This wasn't the start I was expecting. But then again, I didn't have a clue what I'd been expecting would happen.

I felt Phil's eyes glued on me, and I slowly moved my gaze to my plate. Phil knew this was the day I'd decided to tell them: my 18th birthday. Not the quite how I'd envisioned, but when is the right moment to come out anyway?

I sighed deeply and lifted up my head. Everyone just sat there, frozen, staring back at me.

"I just thought you might like to know in case it became important some day," I said determinedly. I gave an anxious smile as I moved my gaze from my mum and back to my dad, who was sitting opposite me. My eyes landed on Phil and he responded with a big, caring smile.

I hadn't talked to Phil about announcing this. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell them just yet, and Phil always gave the same answer, so it wouldn't make any difference.

"Whatever makes you happy, Dan," my mum ventured, her lips forming a wide smile.

It was like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders and I could finally breathe normally. Of course I knew they would love me no matter what, but there was always a chance such an announcement wouldn't be appreciated. Although even if they'd reacted differently, I'd be moving out later this day anyway.

"It does. It really does." I smiled back and sat up properly.

"If that's want you want, then there's nothing to worry about," my dad continued as he picked his knife back up.

"Thanks." I inhaled a deep breath and took another bite of my food. Now that that was out of the way, we could continue as normal.

I glanced around at them all, my gaze ending on my brother. He just mumbled an "okay" and started eating again, clearly not caring what I was saying. I rolled my eyes at him and looked away.

I felt Phil lean closer to my side. "I'm proud of you," he whispered quietly, making me smile even wider.

I was proud of me too. It'd taken me months to be this brave, which was stupid because it should be normal. You shouldn't have to build up the confidence to confront your own parents about something like this.

My mum had caught Phil's actions and now looked questioningly at us, like she was expecting me to say more. But I couldn't tell her Phil was my boyfriend—even though I knew that was what she was fishing for—because he wasn't _really _my boyfriend. Phil was my friend.

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession; friendship is never anything but sharing.

We had an independent relationship. We could be whatever we wanted to be, in our own way, and that wasn't for anyone to question. Not even my mum. And I liked it this way.

I looked her in the eyes. "What?" I asked.

She grinned. "Nothing I guess."

* * *

"That went well," I breathed in relief once we were outside the restaurant.

"Of course it did, Dan!" Phil smiled and nudged my shoulder with his. "Feeling better now?"

"Much," I muttered happily, slowing down my pace a little. Phil automatically slowed down too.

"You okay?" he asked me, and stopped walking.

"Yeah. I'm just tired." I smiled and dragged him with me along the pavement. "Don't worry." It'd already been a long day and it was hard to keep up with everything.

"We're driving in a few hours. You can take a nap before we leave."

"I'm not sleeping my birthday away, Philip. I'll be fine," I assured him. "I want to stay awake for this. It's not every day you're turning 18." I let go of Phil's wrist once I was sure he was following.

"You can sleep in the car then."

"Yes, yes. Whatever you say," I joked. But this wasn't just normal tiredness; it was pure exhaustion. I usually wasn't stubborn about my condition—I was open about it because it scared me. My mum had always taught me not to be hide things, so I didn't. But this had started only a couple of days ago. Nothing was hurting; I was just tired.

I didn't want to be a burden, especially since we had to move today. There was no time for hospitals or doctors and I knew Phil was uncomfortable enough about taking me with him in the first place. I wouldn't make it worse when we were so close to the moving. When everything had slowed down again, I could tell him.

"Are you driving?" I asked.

"Yes I am! And there's still time to change your mind," Phil joked.

"Even if you were to drag me in a wagon behind a bike all the way to Manchester, I wouldn't say no." I smiled shyly and looked to my side.

Phil smiled back and swung one arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer. "Your present is waiting in the apartment."

"You didn't have to get me anything, Phil. You know that," I muttered.

"I know," he answered simply and gave me a quick squeeze.

* * *

"Was that it?"

"That was it. Everything's in the car." I smiled and stepped right in front of my mum.

"I'm going to miss you so much…" she breathed out, pulling me into a tight hug which almost squeezed all the air out of me.

"No you won't." I grinned and wrapped my arms around her, burying my head into her shoulder. This was it—it was actually happening. I was about to drive to Manchester, towards my new apartment, in which I was going to live in alone with my friend. The thought was scaring me more than I wanted to admit.

She slowly released me and gave my cheek a quick kiss, making me smile widely.

"And Phil…" She turned to Phil and opened her arms back up, asking for a hug.

I smiled at them and turned my attention to my dad, who was standing beside me.

"I'm proud of you, Dan," he whispered to me. "And I'm sure you'll do great."

"Thank you," I muttered, while blushing slightly. This was just as big of a surprise to my parents as it was to me. If you'd asked me five years ago how my future would look, I would probably have answered, "what future?". But now it was completely different. I knew I had a future: with Phil. And it was making me happier than I'd ever been.

"Let's get driving!" Phil announced, clapping his hands together to indicate it was time.

I nodded eagerly and picked up the small suitcase in front of me, which stored all of my medication. I had enough drugs to kill a dead man, so we had to be careful where we put it.

"Let me take that," Phil offered and held out his hand.

"Thanks." I smiled and handed it to him before we started walking towards the car.

I opened the car door and hesitantly looked back at my parents, but they were just waving kindly.

"Goodbye!" I yelled as I got into the car.

Phil got in beside me, started the car and slowly drove down the road, first past my parents and my old house, then past Phil's old house.

I couldn't help but smile widely. I had successfully closed a chapter of my life. The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself, and I was ready to do that.

* * *

"Dan?" I heard someone ask. "Dan?"

I opened my eyes, confused, and blinked straight ahead. "Hmm?" I mumbled as I let my eyes close together again. I was too exhausted to keep them open.

Phil gently placed a hand on my shoulder to get my attention. "It's six p.m., Dan. You have to wake up."

"Please don't make me," I begged. I turned around in the uncomfortable car seat to face the other way.

"I'm sorry." Phil pulled his hand back from me and I heard him searching around in my stuff on the back seat. "I just want you to take these."

I opened my eyes to look at him. He was holding out a box of pills with all the days of the week on it. It was bigger than a normal box so that all of the pills could fit into it, both the ones I was meant to take in the morning and in the evening.

Just the sight of them was making me feel sick to my stomach, but there was no way I could get around this point of the day.

"I thought we could go get a burger or something." He pointed out of the window behind me and my gaze followed his finger. We'd parked at a freeway restaurant.

"Yeah," I answered simply as I rubbed the last bit of sleep out of my eyes. "How far are we?" I asked, sitting up properly.

"About an hour left I guess." Phil took a few seconds to look me over carefully while wrinkling his forehead slightly. "Let's go in?"

I nodded in response, unbuckled my seatbelt, and opened the door to get out.

Once we were inside, I walked past Phil to find a table. "Just get me the same as you," I murmured to him.

Phil came back a few minutes later holding out two plates. I wasn't that hungry really, but I had to at least eat something with the pills.

He placed the plate in front of me and sat down. "Dan."

"Huh?" I breathed as I opened the small box.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, looking me in the eyes. He stared serious back on me.

"Just tired," I assured him with a sigh. It was mostly true. I was tired. I just didn't know why I kept being so tried.

I focused down on my food before I felt Phil's hand being placed on my forehead. I flinched slightly by the sudden touch, but stayed still against his hand as he moved it around my face.

"Just tired," I repeated. I quickly swallowed one of the pills, and soon the rest of them.

"Sure? You look a little pale…" Phil pointed out as he took a bite of his burger.

"I'm sure." I smiled.

After a few minutes of silence, Phil asked with a smirk, "So, how does it feel to be 18?"

"Completely different," I breathed out. "I'm kidding—nothing has changed," I giggled quietly. "I'm excited for my present though. Can you give me a hint? Just a small one…" I begged.

"You'll like it," Phil answered simply.

"I'll like it? Is that my only hint?"

"Yes."

I leaned a little over the table and gently nudged his shoulder. "You Idiot. Give me a proper hint."

"I'm not telling you, so knock it off already, Daniel."

"Fine," I groaned and leaned back on my chair.

"Are you done eating?" Phil asked me, pointing at my plate.

"Yes," I mumbled and stretched my arms over my head, preparing myself for another hour in the car.

"Dan."

"What?"

He gave me a questioning look. "You've only eaten half of it?"

"I'm not that hungry. It's fine." I tried to sound convincing and it was kind of true. I had no appetite; I most of all just wanted to go to bed.

**Phil »**

"Eat this," I said, and held out a chocolate bar. "I think your blood sugar needs a boost." I turned the key around and started the car.

"Thanks," Dan muttered in response as he buckled his seatbelt.

I slowly drove out of the parking lot and back onto the road.

"I can't wait to show you the place."

"I can't wait to see it."

"We're going to live quite high up, so we'll have a beautiful view," I informed him, focusing straight ahead.

"Please tell me there's a lift then," Dan mumbled jokingly.

"There is. Don't worry." I grinned back. "But everything is done up there. The place only needs us to be completed."

I'd been in Manchester last week, fixing the apartment up with some help from my dad. Dan wouldn't have been too much help anyway, so it was best if we did it alone. Then he wouldn't be in the way.

"Dan?" I asked again when I didn't get a response from him.

I turned my head quickly and found him fast asleep against the window. He hadn't been quite himself lately, but I'd asked him if he was okay multiple times and he always answered that he was, so I had to believe him. He took his condition very seriously—I knew that. So we wouldn't lie.

But it was boring driving alone. I didn't want to be rude and turn up the radio in case it would wake him up, so I just had to sit quietly with my own thoughts all the way to Manchester.

Every once in a while, I glanced over to Dan, but he stayed still the whole way. Something must've really knocked him out. I knew he got tired easily, but this wasn't normal and I had to admit that it was making me a little nervous.

An hour later, I pulled over in front of the tall building. Dan hadn't woken yet, and instead just tried to curl himself together in the small car seat. I got out and walked around the car so I could open his door.

"Wake up," I whispered. I bent my legs a bit to support myself and knelt down on one knee on the ground beside the car.

"We're here now," I continued as I shook him gently. "So you have to wake up."

"We're where?" he mumbled sleepily without opening his eyes.

"Manchester." I unclicked his seatbelt and tried to help him up to a sitting position. "Or home. Call it want you want." I smiled

"I don't even remembering falling asleep," Dan complained. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." But my tone was serious and concerned. This shouldn't start out with Dan being ill, if that was what was about to happen. "Get out so we can go up."

Dan did as he was told and slowly swung his legs out of the car. I got to stand and grabbed our suitcases with the last of our clothes and the little suitcase with Dan's medication.

I smiled and tangled my fingers with his once we were in the lift. "I missed your company in the car, Dan."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's happening. I'm just so tired," he moaned and turned to face me. He looked really sorry without any reason to be.

"Stay still," I commanded and pulled my hand out of his. I stuck two fingers to the side of his neck and gently pressed down. The pulse felt rather normal, though. "Everything else seems okay? Nothing hurts, right? Nothing feels different? You have to tell me…"

Dan shook his head from side to side and took a deep breath. "No. Everything is fine. I'm just tired."

I sighed deeply and placed a quick kiss on his forehead right before the lift made a sound to alert us to the fact that it was our stop and we stepped out.

"Ready?" I grinned while holding the key in front of the lock.

"Ready." Dan smiled back, nodding.

"Tadaa!" I said as I pushed the door open. "Oh, maybe we need some light." I flicked the switch and the hall lit up in front of us. "Tadaa!" I repeated with a grin.

"Beautiful, Phil." Dan giggled and walked inside, dragging his suitcase behind him.

"Don't go in the lounge just yet!" I warned and hurried inside to stop him.

"Is my present in there?" he asked curiously, kicking his shoes off.

"Maybe." I smirked and took my shoes off too. "I can show you the rest first." I pushed the door open in front of me. "This was meant to be a spare room. And then it was meant to be your room. But then I figured that you would rather sleep in my room, so now we can have our clothes and other stuff in here. But if you want your own room, we can make it that of course."

"Your room is fine," Dan assured me.

"Thought so." I closed the door again and walked down the hall, making sure Dan followed.

"Here's our room then." I smiled and stepped inside. I let Dan walk around the room, taking in his surroundings.

"It's very pretty, Phil," Dan whispered under his breath. He moved his gaze around the room, letting his eyes fell on the mixture of his and my stuff.

"And now the best part." I smiled and grabbed his hand, gently dragging him with me. "Close your eyes."

"Oh god, is it one of _those_ surprises…" Dad mumbled tensely. But he did as he was told.

I guided him through the hallway and entered the lounge.

"No peeking."

"I'm not," he giggled.

I let go of his hand to make sure the card and bottle of champagne was standing straight on the table. It wasn't really anything special, but it had to seem like it was.

"Open," I said happily.

He slowly opened one eye and stared confusedly at me. "Have you been hiding a _card_ from me?" He grinned.

"Both yes and no. I think you should read it before you draw conclusions." I smiled and handed it to him.

I watched him as he opened the card and started to read. I stood still opposite of him.

Everything about this felt right. I'd finally cleared up my thoughts and decided that taking Dan with me would give me more joyous, amazing moments than sad and worrying ones.

I'd been offered the most amazing job in a coffee shop down the road right at the time when we determined that we would be moving back. A family friend of ours owned the place and me and his son Chris grew up together, so that would be perfect.

Dan couldn't have a normal job. Or maybe he could—no one really knew—but I wouldn't pressure him. His parents had agreed to help me with the rent, so it wasn't that big of a problem. I would've been living in this apartment anyway, with or without Dan. What mattered was that he did what he thought he could handle.

**Dan »**

"Did you do all this for me?" I whispered once I was done reading Phil's card.

"Well, It only took me an hour…" Phil smiled and took a step closer towards me.

"But still," I mumbled shyly. "The other thing is that I just can't believe they want me in."

"I made a few calls and they wanted to see you. I told them you weren't in the city, so I showed them some of the videos I've taken of you throughout the years. They were very positive about it, so we're going tomorrow. I mean, if you want of course…"

"Of course I want!" I burst out excitedly. "But… did you tell them about my heart?" I asked, nervous.

"Yes I did. It wasn't a problem. They would take it into account, don't worry about that," he assured me and pressed his forehead against mine.

"Thanks…" I breathed out in relief. I didn't like telling people about it because I was afraid they might look at me differently. So it was always nice getting it out of the way before I went places, even though I felt bad for Phil because he had to explain everything all the time. I was old enough to be independent.

"No problem." He smiled. "I just couldn't bear the thought of you sitting here alone all day while I was at work. Now you have something to do too!" he said cheerfully. "Of course it won't be every day, but now you have something to wake up for." Phil locked his fingers together on my back and pulled me closer. "And I'll have something to look forward to if you're lucky enough to get in a play."

"If that happens…"

"Of course it will! You're an amazing actor, Dan. The guy I talked to at the theater was very happy and positive about you. I'm sure you'll do great."

I giggled shyly in response and looked down. "And what's the champagne for? I'm not allowed to drink…"

"Well, who's in charge now?" Phil whispered, lifting up my chin.

"You?" I answered with a smirk.

"Yes. And I thought we should celebrate all this." Phil released me and turned around. "And maybe we could watch a movie or something. If you're up for it." He smiled and poured the champagne into the glasses before handing me one.

"Sounds like something I would enjoy."

Phil picked up our duvets from the bedroom and we made ourselves comfortable on the couch, my head resting in Phil's lab while he lazily ran his fingers through my hair.

But after an hour or two, my eyelids started to drop and it became harder to stay awake. I soon had to give in and let them stay closed.

* * *

I sat up and tiredly looked around at my surroundings until my eyes landed on Phil next to me. He was fast asleep, curled up underneath his covers. I didn't remember getting to bed so I didn't know how I ended up here.

I lay back down again and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to wake up properly. But it was just making my head spin slightly, so I closed my eyes back together and stayed completely still, not liking this feeling at all.

After a few minutes, Phil started moving beside me, stretching his arms above his head while groaning quietly.

"What time is it?" I asked.

I felt Phil jump slightly, clearly not aware that I was already awake. "Uhm, eight."

"I'm an hour late with the pills then…" I muttered, still with closed eyes as my head was still spinning.

"Oh yeah." Phil swung his duvet off and got to stand beside me bed. "I'll make some breakfast."

"I've thought about moving the times because it's highly unlikely that we're going to wake up at seven or eat at six if I know us, Phil. That's never going to happen."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea. What times were you thinking?" he asked, walking around the bed.

"I don't know. Nine in the morning and eight in the evening?" I suggested. But of course I was the one to make the final choice.

"Yeah." I could hear Phil's voice getting closer and before I got the chance to see what he was doing I felt his hand being laid on my forehead.

"Everything okay?"

I slowly nodded against his hand and opened one eye to look at him. He was wearing his glasses and it always made me happy for some reason, so I couldn't help but smile a little. "I'm fine. Just need a minute to wake up," I assured him.

"I'll be in the kitchen," he whispered back down to me before walking out.

After a few minutes, I got up and followed Phil to the kitchen.

"We're leaving for the theater at eleven. Just so you know." Phil smiled and pushed a bowl of cereal across the breakfast bar in our kitchen.

"You're not going to work today?" I asked.

"No. I start tomorrow."

"Okay." I nodded and started eating. I still didn't have any appetite and it was actually starting to worry me. My head was still spinning and I felt a bit nauseous. This definitely wasn't normal and I knew I had to tell Phil, but I wanted to get this theater thing out of the way first.

After drowning all the pills together with the cereal, I stood up to help Phil clean up. The movements only made my head spin more violently and I felt light-headed. My heartbeat rose slightly and dark spots were blocking my vision.

I let out a struggling whimper in an attempt to form words, but failed. I grabbed tightly onto the countertop to keep my balance, resulting in the bowl crashing to the floor into a hundred pieces.

This made Phil turn around and his eyes quickly caught mine before everything became distant.

* * *

**A/N: **I split this chapter in two so chapter 8 is almost done already. You it won't be long before that's up!


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